PARK CITY SUNDANCERS

TEAM: Park City Sundancers
CONFERENCE AFFILIATION: Wasatch Conference
OWNER: Dave "The Director" Barton
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: Park City Sundancers, 06-07 6th Place, 07-08 7th Place
LOCATION: Park City, Utah
ARENA: Redford Arena
MOTTO: "When A Dunk Hits Your Face Like A Hot Spray of Mace, That's Amare!"
MOST-HATED RIVAL(s): Abominables, Stratagem, Jai-Rai

SEASON OUTLOOK
With Amare Stoudemire's molecules once again coalescing, the Park City Sundancers are ready to embark on their third season as a WFBL franchise, and first full season with Stoudemire in tow (thanks Udorn, really!). Hoping to build on their strong second half push last year, Park City is setting its sights squarely above the middle of the pack in 2008-09.

"The Sundancers have been medial for long enough," affirmed newly aquired Chris Bosh, who intends to become the other half of a formidable inside tandem with Stoudemire. "When I ruminate about what exactly a Sundancer is," mulled a thoughtful Bosh, "I like to think about elves or pixies twirling on the edge of a resplendent solar eclipse—ain't nothin' medial about that. By the way, have any of you guys ever tried word of the day toilet paper? It is really quite prodigious!"

"Man, I'm so excited to play with "Bosh Spice," just as soon as my knee gets better," intoned returning point guard Gilbert "Gasbag" Arenas. "His skillful wordplay is a heaven sent for those of us who are endowed with the gift of gab." Yes, all of you who just did a double take, you read that last part right. Gilbert Arenas is once again a Sundancer, even after he infamously crashed Park City's 07-08 season in week 3 with a recurring knee injury that apparently still isn't all the way healed. "We waited all last year for him, what's another month or two?" rationalized owner Dave Barton. "Gil is tentatively planning to return sometime in mid December. That’s the Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanza present we're all hoping for."

Barton continued, "Hey, did you guys notice we brought D-Wade back too? He ruined our 06-07 season. It's like a high school reunion around here. Good times."

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NEW YORK KINGS

TEAM: New York Kings
CONFERENCE AFFILIATION: World Conference
OWNER: TJ Barnes
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: New York Triceratops, 06-07 5th Place; New York Kings, 07-08 8th Place
LOCATION: New York, New York
ARENA: The Palace at New York
MOTTO: "Kings Give Orders; They Don't Take Them!"
MOST-HATED RIVAL(S): SnowBees, Underdogs, Democracy, and anyone who dares challenge me

SEASON OUTLOOK
"I just really can't express how excited I am to be on this team again," said superstar point guard Steve Nash, longtime New York King. "I love everything about New York, including the crime rate, the air quality, and the surly cab drivers. I hope I play here forever."

Paul Pierce, who began last season as a King, but had the misfortune of being traded away during the season, but whose luck, it seems, has reversed, bringing him back to a Kings uniform for the 08-09 season, echoed his floormate's comments: "I won't be able to tell you everything that I love about New York, because that would take all day. But if I could mention just one thing, it would be the 'tough love' of the sports fans here. And the proliferation of media outlets so that my performance can be overanalyzed night in and night out. I really look forward to more of that this year."

Such positive energy from wily veterans like Nash and Pierce is sure to rub off on newcomers like rookie Greg Oden, who, though only 20 or something, looks like he could be Steve Nash's father (I know, that's an unrelated thought, but that's what sportswriters do: we use relative clauses as storage bins for random bits of info; get used to it). The end result is likely to be that the Kings, if they don't beat last year's 8th-place finish, will at least have happy smiles on their sweaty faces all season long.

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UDORN JAI-RAI

TEAM: Udorn Jai-Rai
CONFERENCE AFFILIATION: World Conference
OWNER: Devin Jackson
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: Udorn Jai-Rai 07-08, 9th Place
LOCATION: Udorn, Thailand
ARENA: Buddha's Bungalow
MOTTO: "No 5-4 Wins, No T-Mac!"
MOST-HATED RIVAL(s): Gators

SEASON OUTLOOK
Coming into the 2008-09 season, Udorn Jai-Rai head coach Devin Jackson has a lot change from last season. But after all the assessments and player/personnel evaluations were over, Jackson decided that his team's struggles (9th place finish after holding onto a playoff spot for most of the season) could be turned around if he focused on a simple mantra.

"No 5-4 Wins, No T-Mac," said point guard Deron Williams, one of the lone bright spots for the Jai-Rai. "Last year we won a lot of matchups, but we never dominated anyone, and that's what you have to do in this league. You have to win by more than 5-4. Also Coach said if we can focus on not having T-Mac on our team, we should be better too."

Jackson's plan is so far a half-success, as poor Nephi selected T-Mac ("Yeah, good luck with that," said Williams). As for the wins? Well, Danny Granger, Rudy Gay, and Michael Redd all join Williams and Jackson in that quest, and Udorn fans have reason to be excited.

"Also don't trade away Amare Stoudemire," added Williams. "I know he's not on our team or anything, but if he somehow comes back, we should not trade him away. I think that goes without saying."

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BAYSIDE TIGERS

TEAM: Bayside Tigers
CONFERENCE AFFILIATION: World Conference
OWNER: Rich Lachowsky
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: West Valley Squackboxes, 05-06 4th Place; Bayside Tigers, 06-07 WFBL Champs, 07-08 10th Place
LOCATION: Bayside, California
ARENA: Richard Belding Memorial Arena
MOTTO: "B-B-B-B-B-B-B! Go Bayside!"
MOST-HATED RIVAL(s): SnowBees, Abominables, Iguanas

SEASON OUTLOOK
After going Worst to First in 06-07, the Bayside Tigers went First to Third-Worst last year. Simple mathematics tells us that there is no need to fear, Tiger fans, because the natural course of life proves that Bayside will be back on top, fighting for the Commissioner Barnes trophy.

"It's science," said Baron Davis, the lone holdover from last year's debacle. "Coach Lachowsky said it best last season. To paraphrase, he told us 'Don't worry men. As far as Concludings Champs is concerned, it goes Ben-Rich-Ben-Rich.' So, not to belabor the point, but Bayside is going to be good this year. Like I said, it's science."

For those of us confused by science, Davis will also point you towards the stellar selections that fell into the lap of an absent Lachowsky at this year's Draft. Marcus Camby, starting center on the past two Concludings champions, returns to Tiger-town, while former U-Dog Caron Butler brings his top-tier if injury-prone game to a city starving for another title.

As for Lachowsky's patented hands-off approach to management? Well, in these uncertain times, it's nice to know we can rely on some things in this world.

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