THIS WEEK IN THE WFBL: ALL-STAR 2009

ON TOP OF THE WORLD, LOOKING DOWN ON THE WASATCH

Yeah, it looks like Paul's gonna be fine.

HOMETOWN HERO CHRIS PAUL BOUNCES BACK FROM INJURY, LEADS WORLD TO DOMINATING 6-3 VICTORY

ZERMATT (AP)—The Wasatch may have a better regular season record against the World this year, but when it mattered least, Chris Paul and Co. had their way with their intermountain region counterparts.

It may have been cold and snowy outside, but thanks to some heated play from Zermatt's Paul, the World defeated the Wasatch 6-3 in the annual All-Star extravaganza. The victory served notice that, while the Wasatch may be a better conference top-to-bottom, the World's top-heaviness will be something to deal with come Concludings time.

"We've had our lunches handed to us this year in head-to-head meetings, that's true," said EBP Chris Paul about the Wasatch, which owns a sparkling 26-14-2 record against the World this year. "But no one really pays attention to those regular season matchups, let's be honest. It's all about Playoffs and All-Star. That's where reputations are made."

"He's right you know," said World Conference teammate LeBron James. "You think people remember that we (the Iguanas) got hammered back in Week 9 by Rigby? Or that me, Ray-Ray, CP3, Nene and Camby laid the hurt on the Wasatch elite in an exhibition where defense is not only optional, but frowned upon? I don't think I need to answer that for you."

"Oh yeah and don't forget that Mike Bibby was their starting point guard," said Paul. "I mean, c'mon."

So what does this all mean to you, the WFBL fan at home? Why, it means you can anxiously wait out the final three weeks of the regular season, while preparing for what could be not only the tightest regular season race, but also the most competitive playoffs in WFBL history.

Notes
Due to injury, the following players were named to the All-Star team as replacements:

WASATCH
Chris Duhon, PG, Ribgy (replacing Jameer Nelson), 1st appearance
Charlie Villanueva, SF, Park City (replacing Gerald Wallace), 1st appearance
Tim Duncan, PF, Twin Falls (replacing Chris Bosh), 3rd appearance

WORLD
Andre Iguodala, SG, Zermatt (replacing Jason Terry), 2nd appearance
Paul Millsap, PF, Maracaibo (replacing Al Jefferson), 1st appearance
Troy Murphy, C, Bayside (replacing Andris Biedrins), 1st appearance

Marcus Camby started at C for the World in place of Al Jefferson.

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DIVERSION WEEK

Smucker's Jam Festival
Once again the Smucker's Jam Festival failed to disappoint, as jam connoisseurs from all over the globe descended on Zermatt to sample this year's delicacies. St. George's Hedo Turkoglu, last year's festival winner due to his delicious fig jam, got a bit more patriotic with his entry this time. The "Turkey Jam", made from—you guessed it—turkey, was quite an unorthodox approach, as was that of Nephi's Andres Nocioni. The Argentine's "¡Estupendo Chañar Sensacional!" jam was a huge hit, as the very sweet, dark and thick chañar fruit—similar to molasses—was not only tasty, but also helped alleviate many of the judges' sore throats and coughs! Not to be outdone, Bayside's Troy Murphy brought a delicious "Potato N' Beer" jam from his native Ireland. "Slathered on four-leaf clovers, naturally," said Murphy, who it was later discovered is not really from Ireland at all.

But taking home this year's coveted "Smucky" award was OJ Mayo, formerly of Zermatt, currently of Bayside, and currently the owner of the most creative jam recipe in all the land. His "OJ Mayo" Jam was by far the most talked-about entry in this year's festival. "The recipe is really quite simple," said the shooting guard from West Virginia. "Just take some oj, take same mayo, boo-hay, you got yourself some OJ Mayo Jam."

Master Lock Bill Havlicek Memorial Steal and Hostess Turnover Contest
Zermatt's Chris Paul and Marcaibo's Rajon Rondo had no trouble at all with their competition in the Steal and Turnover Contest. Rondo swiped the ball from New York's Steve Nash a mere two times, as the tricky Nash spent most of his time avoiding theft by using all sorts of evasive maneuvers he practices in the off-season, such as bouncing the ball off his knee, bouncing the ball of his foot AND his knee, and doing that thing where you have the ball under your foot and then when the other guy comes to get it you flick it backwards and out of their reach.

Chris Paul was the big winner, successfully defending his title from a year ago by stealing the ball a record eight times in one minute from Park City's Dwyane Wade. "Too bad you couldn't steal the Oaken Skis of Yore while you were at it, sucker!" said Wade, hands waving on either side of his head, his tongue stuck out in defiance.

Celebrex Dennis Rodman Memorial Rebound Challenge
Thanks to some reliably horrible shooting, Dwight Howard and Hedo Turkoglu, teammates from the St. George Underdogs, were the big winners in this year's Rebound Challenge. Turkoglu did what he does best—which is miss shots—and Dwight did what he does best—gather those missed shots in his hulking arms.

"Dwight said he need shooter for rebound challenge," said Turkoglu after the competition. "Who better to give him rebounds than Turkoglu? Gordon? LaMarcus? No, only Turkoglu miss shots just the way Dwight like them."

The U-Dog combo handily defeated Andris Biedrins and Jason Kidd of the Richmond Butchers. There seemed to be some confusion on Kidd's part as to his role in the event, as he kept firing passes to the back of Biedrins' head underneath the hoop. After finally realizing that he was supposed to shoot, time had run out (but not before Kidd chucked up an airball from three-point land and gathered his own miss).

Sony Ron Artest Memorial Jam Festival
In a night of big moments, even the return of the Big Shaqodile wouldn't be enough to take home the Sony Ron Artest Memorial Jam Festival Trophy. First, a poorly-conceived idea from last year's champion, Stephen Jackson, failed to impress the judges, as Jackson introduced himself as "Bikini Man", wearing a speedo and singing a dreadful rendition of Faith Hill's "Breathe". Following Jackson's unfortunate turn, Bayside's Luke Walton gave perhaps the evening's most underrated performance, as the second-generation Deadhead sported a faux-beard and came dressed in father Bill's famous tie-dyed t-shirt, headband and peace-sign necklace. His rendition of "How Now Brown Cow" especially won over the agricultural constituency of voters.

The Big Shaqodile then stepped up to the mic with hopes of returning to past Jam Festival glory. Shaq seemed like the runaway favorite at that point, singing such crowd-pleasing favorites as "U Can't Do Without Me (Kobe, Tell Me How My Bottom Taste)", "( I Know I Got) Skillz" and, of course, "Shoot-Pass-Slam feat. Fu-Schnickens".

However, in perhaps the ultimate statement that the pre-teen market rules the land, the night belonged to Kyle Korver, Rigby's dreamy backup shooting guard. Korver took the stage to the surprise of many, and, in a reunion with his long-lost siblings the Jonas Brothers, wowed the crowd and had 11-year olds across the world in tears. "Distant cousins, actually," said Korver after he and the Brothers belted out the hit "Burnin' Up". "I got a text from the Brothers this week and they told me about their idea, about singing together. I always knew I had a talent in entertainment outside of basketball, I was just waiting for the right opportunity."

Dixie Cup Ron Artest Memorial Punch-Out
After last season's debacle, it was a nice change of pace to have a "throwback" of sorts for this year's Punch-Out. Despite the presence of defending "champion" Stephen Jackson, the absence of weaponry was a delight for traditionalists. It also meant Jackson stood no chance in advancing to the finals, as the New York forward was helpless without his handguns in his matchup against Andris Biedrins. The Richmond big man, who kind of looks like Ivan Drago and probably sounds like him too, smacked Jackson silly, advancing to the finals in record time. In the other matchup, Zermatt's dimunitive point guard Rodney Stuckey was the surprise winner over Salt Lake guard Manu Ginobili, despite not technically landing a single punch. Ginobili was disqualified for his controversial "Flop-Flail-Whine" strategy, which consisted of flopping to the ground, flailing the limbs wildly, and running up to the official with a bewildered look his face.

In the finals, it was crowd favorite Stuckey who took home top prize. Chants of "Stuckey-Stuckey!" came from all over the arena, as the dark horse surprised all with his pummeling of Biedrins. Why, by the end of the classic bout, even Latvian president Valdis Zalters could be seen standing in the press box, doing the slow-clap. "He's not human," Biedrins was overheard saying to his trainer. "If only we lived in an era where people looked the other way at the taking of performance enhancing drugs. Perhpas I would have stood a better chance."
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WEEK 15 EBP WINNER
Kobe Bryant, Twin Falls

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Maracaibo-Park City Part II. A mere three weeks ago the 'Dancers waltzed into 'Caibo and shuffled off with a 6-3 victory. Both teams are now coming off losses, and can ill afford to drop another.