2009 WFBL CONCLUDINGS PREVIEW

PARK CITY LOOKS TO GO FROM BAG-TOTERS TO TROPHY HOLDERS, BUT THEY"LL HAVE TO PRY IT FROM THE ABOMINABLES' ICY COLD GRIP FIRST

For the third year in a row, the previous year's Tote Bag winner will be playing Zermatt for the Commissioner Barnes Trophy. Park City seeks its first ever title, while the A-Boms will try to become the first back-to-back WFBL Champion in league history.

SEASON SERIES: SUNDANCERS, 5-4-0








SEED: 1 RECORD 92-65-5









SEED: 1 RECORD: 89-70-3

FIELD GOAL%: The Sundancers' Dwyane Wade is shooting over 50%, but otherwise the Wasatch champs have been a bunch a bit erratic with their shooting lately. Not that the Abominables have been much better, and aside from the high-percentage Chris Paul, it's hard to tell what Zermatt'll do. This one's too close to call.

EDGE: TIE



FREE THROW%: The A-Boms are the fourth-worst free-throwers in the league, and, other than EBP Chris Paul, really can't rely on anyone from the foul line. Park City shot 82% for the year thanks to reliable marksmen like Kevin Durant and Chris Bosh, which should give the Dancers the makes—along with the high quantity of trips to the line—that they'll need.

EDGE:









THREE-POINTERS: The 'Dancers and A-Boms were third and fourth, respectively, in threes made for the season, but the edge here goes to Park City. The usually clutch Rashard Lewis has been so unreliable that he rides the bench for the A-Boms, while every Park City starter but Chris Bosh has been getting at least one three-pointer per game over the last 15 days.

EDGE:









REBOUNDS: One may question Mike Miller's starting lineup nod, but the small forward has averaged almost eight boards a game over the last two weeks. That, along with Dalembert and Jamison, should be enough for the A-Boms to win rebounds going away.

EDGE:









ASSISTS: If anything keeps Zermatt from winning the category they almost never lose, it'll be the fact that Paul only has three games this week. Still, Iguodala and Miller should be able to lend enough of a hand to keep Park City at bay. Unless of course Wade does his triple-double thing again...

EDGE:









STEALS: Another category the A-Boms have dominated all season long would normally be a no-brainer win for the Champs. But Wade's extra game this week, along with solid contributions across the board from the rest of the Sundancers, gives the slight edge to the challengers.

EDGE:









BLOCKS: The Abominables were next to dead last in blocks this season, as Coach Barnes usually was content to punt the category. But with the Sundancers not being the same since Stoudemire went down, Barnes brings in Dalembert to try and give Zermatt the edge. This one goes to the A-Boms, but again, don't underestimate Wade. He's been known to get a clutch block or two, am I right, Twin Falls?

EDGE:









TURNOVERS: The only category where the Sundancers didn't strive this season was turnovers. Park City turns the ball over like it's going out of style. The A-Boms don't fare too much better, but surprisingly have cut down on their turnovers as the season has gone on. In the end, the edge goes to Zermatt, because with Wade and Lil' Nate in the lineup, you can pencil in Park City for at least 24 turnovers this week from the backcourt alone.

EDGE:









POINTS: Zermatt obviously decides to punt this category with Miller and Dalembert, but really, did they have a chance? Park City was the highest scoring team all season long, averaging almost 400 points per week. Scoring machine Kevin Durant's recent return to the lineup, along with Wade's propensity to put up 50 a game from time to time should leave no doubt in this category.

EDGE:









PREDICTION: 4-4-1 TIE

And according to WFBL rules, Park City wins the tiebreaker by having the better regular-season record. But consider this: Previous-season tote bag winners are 1-1 in the Concludings. Having said that, Commissioner Barnes-led teams are 2-1 in the title game, while Dave Barton-led teams are 0-0. But don't forget, Zermatt hasn't beaten Park City since 2006. At the same time, the A-Boms own a 23-21-1 record all-time against their arch-rivals. As so often seems to be the case, this year's Championship could be decided by which team has fewer players miss games.

2009 BRACKETS—UPDATED!

2009 PLAYOFFS BRACKET—CONCLUDINGS
Click to embiggen.

The Strats take 5th place with their victory over the Jai-Rai.


2009 CONSOLATION LADDER—RD 3

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THIS WEEK IN THE WFBL: CONFERENCE CONCLUDINGS

"SUNDANCE KID" HELPS PARK CITY REACH FIRST-EVER CONCLUDINGS; A-BOMS BEAT IGS WHEN IT COUNTS, MOVE ON TO THIRD STRAIGHT CONCLUDINGS


WADE, DANCERS WAX OFF KOBE, GATORS FOR WASATCH TITLE

PARK CITY (AP)—

MONDAY/TUESDAY - REDFORD ARENA, ALL WASATCH BASKETBALL CONCLUDINGS

The two Wasatch finalists, the Park City Sundancers and Twin Falls Gators, treat the crowd to a thrilling montage of high flying dunks, long range shots, blocks, and boards set to Joe Esposito's "You're the Best Around."

WEDNESDAY - TWIN FALLS LOCKER ROOM, JUST BEFORE TIP-OFF

Twin Falls holds the early lead 6-3 lead, but Park City superstar Dwyane Wade has yet to play. He is expected to make his anticipated first appearance tonight. As the team heads towards the tunnel, Gators assistant coach and Mamba Kai Sensei John Kreese pulls Al Thornton aside.

Kreese: Al, I want Wade out of commission

Thornton: But Sensei, we can beat these guys!

Kreese: I don't want them just beaten.

Thornton: But I'll get thrown out!

Kreese: Out of commission.


Kreese trains his iron eyes on Thornton. He cannot endure their searing heat. His head drops as Kreese bends him to his will. Thornton tentatively walks over to the Park City bench, jumps high in the air, and lands a flying sidekick to Wade's right hip.

Thornton: I'm sorry, Dwyane! I didn't mean it!

Wade crumples to the floor as Thornton is dragged away amid a shower of boos. The Gators have their way with the Sundancers in the absence of the EBP runner-up.

FRIDAY - PARK CITY LOCKER ROOM, A FEW HOURS BEFORE TIP-OFF

A dejected Dwyane Wade, accompanied by team consultant Kesuke "Mr." Miyagi, lies on the trainers' table, resigned to missing his second straight game after not missing a game all year.

Wade: Mr. Miyagi... you think we had a chance of winning?

Mr. Miyagi: Aye, had good chance.

Wade: Can't you fix my hip with that thing you do? You know, with the clapping and the rubbing, and the hey hey hey, my hip feels better?

Mr. Miyagi: No need play anymore. You prove point.

Wade: What, that I can take a beating? Every time I see the Gators, they'll know they got the best of me. How will I ever have balance in my life? I mean, aside from having more money than I could ever spend and being idolized by millions.

(Pause)

Mr. Miyagi: Close eye.

Miyagi's hands come together, punctuated by a dramatic music note.

FRIDAY - TIP-OFF

Wade emerges from locker room as the crowd goes wild.

Announcer: Dwyane Wade is gonna play? Dwyane Wade is gonna play! This is what it's all about, folks!

SUNDAY - REDFORD ARENA, DECIDING GAME

With their star player once again on the court to galvanize the team, Park City has cut into the Gators once insurmountable lead, now only trailing 5-4. As the Gators call a timeout to regroup, Mamba Kai Sensei John Kreese motions for his star pupil, Kobe Bryant.

Kreese: Pummel the hip...you have a problem with that?

Kobe: (scared) No, Sensei.

Kreese: No mercy.


As play resumes, Kobe cheap shots Wade several times in his bruised right hip, but the referees are distracted by Tim Duncan flailing around after getting slightly nudged by Chris Bosh, so no foul is called. Wade limps to the bench, but after a timeout, returns to the floor wearing a traditional Karate Gi. As the Gators dribble up the court with the clock running down, Wade slowly assumes the crane position under the basket by standing on one leg and lifting both arms high into the air. Kobe calls for the ball.

Announcer: 30 seconds remaining...

Rondo: It's over, guys! Get 'em a body bag, yyyeeeah!!!

Kreese: Finish them!

Kobe hears the call of his sensei and drives to the hoop. As he releases the ball, Wade leaps high in the air and blocks the shot. Frustrated, Kobe gets his own rebound and shoots it a second time. And once again, Wade leaps and bats the ball away. Time expires. Kobe stares at the scorer's table in disbelief as he sees that Wade's last two blocked shots are the difference Park City needed to win the blocks category 11-10, and thusly the series, 5-4. The Sundancer crowd storms the court in a wild rush of celebration. A tearful Kobe grabs the Wasatch Concludings trophy and personally hands it to the Sundancer hero.


Kobe: You're all right, Wade. You can be my sleepover buddy any time.

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THIRD TIME'S THE LUCKY CHARM: A-BOMS ONCE AGAIN "GO GREEN" TO UPEND IGUANAS

LeBron, thinking he's slapping five with one of his teammates, actually greets opponent Chris Paul. The Abominables' St. Patrick Day Unis: Lucky Charms or played out merchandise grab?

ZERMATT (AP)—The Zermatt Abominables beat the Iguanas while wearing their special St. Patrick's Day green uniforms. Seriously? That's the angle again? What is this, 2007?

While it may be a familiar story (and the fact that the two teams have played each other over the March 17th holiday for three consecutive years is pretty amazing in itself), that's exactly why it's newsworthy. In a year when the Iguanas had dominated Zermatt head-to-head, the A-Boms needed all the Irish luck they could manage.

But there's much more to it this year; much more on the line then ever before, as the Abominables' 5-3-1 victory sends the defending champs back to the Concludings, and the Iguanas back to Maracaibo wondering "why?"

"Why?" wondered LeBron James, who really shouldn't be blamed for the loss. "Why can't my teammates tell the difference between lime green and forest green! I mean they are such different shades in the color spectrum, it shouldn't even be a problem! And yet here we are, again, mistaking the A-Boms for our own players."

Indeed, the Iguanas suffered the most in categories that would seem to be affected by teammate/opponent confusion: assists and turnovers.

"Besides the obvious, well-documented fact that we struggle with our turnovers when all the players on the court are wearing green," continued James, "there were times when we probably would have passed it to the open man, but instead decided not to risk it and would just take jumpers. This is ridiculous. No offense to Maracaibo, but next year, I hope someone with red or blue uniforms drafts me. This is nonsense."

"People may think that we use St. Patrick's week as an opportunity to trick our opponents, or as an excuse to sell more merchandise" said 2009 EBP Chris Paul, whose #3 uniform is the top-seller in the league (1 item sold). "And while the results cannot be ignored, we want to make sure everyone knows we have noble intentions with wearing our green jerseys."

"Not only do we honor the Swiss-Irish that so heavily populate the Zermatt area," added Antawn Jamison. "But it's our way of letting people know that we care about the environment. You see, by wearing green uniforms and telling everyone we're 'going green', we let the world know that we care about our planet. It's much easier to do this, instead of something that would actually help the environment, like planting a tree, car-pooling to the arena, or, oh I dunno, moving all the teams to the same continent/country/state to save on jet fuel."

"Now let's not be silly," chimed in Coach/Commissioner Barnes, who will be coaching his fourth Concludings in four years. "We'd never be able to get every team to move to Europe, much less Switzerland! Green jerseys it is!"

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STRATS GO FROM WORST TO 5TH; JAI-RAI HONORED FOR AWESOME LOGO

The season came to an end for the Nephi Stratagem and Udorn Jai-Rai this week, and it couldn't have come in more fitting fashion—for both teams. Nephi found a way to secure 5th place (a respectable finish for last year's laughing stock), while once again dealing with a gimpy small forward (Marquis Daniels). The position has been a proverbial black hole all season that Daniels, Tracy McGrady, Ron Artest, Ryan Gomes, Andres Nocioni, Kelenna Azubuike, and Mike Dunleavy have all attempted to fill without much success. This is clearly an indication that everything Tracy McGrady touches withers up and dies (that sound you just heard was all of McGrady's previous owners grumbling their approval).

Udorn, meanwhile, lost 5-4 for the league record 9th time this season. And while Jai-Rai fans throughout Thailand will no doubt hang their heads, there is a reason to be upbeat. It was recently announced that the Jai-Rai "U-Snake" secondary icon has been selected for a "remarkable new LogoLounge project, the first book in the new Master Library series."

The Master Library series of books focuses on award-winning logos from around the world, grouped into specific categories. The ubiquitous emblem of Udorn will be included in the "Initials & Crests" book, due out next year.

"See, that totally makes up for our 6th-place finish," said injured small forward and possible keeper candidate Danny Granger. "All anyone ever hears about is Zermatt this, Park City that, Twin Falls this, Maracaibo that. But are their logos going to be included in a book? I don't think so!"

"You can have your custom jersey," said an unnamed source close to the team, who may or may not have been owner Devin Jackson. "We'll take the world-wide recognition and 3 inch by 3 inch space in a book you never knew existed, thank you very much!"

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AROUND THE CONSOLATION LADDER

Underdogs 5, SnowBees 4
the UNDERDOGS won against the FROZENBEES! because the UNDERDOGS are better! Ben gordon scored 4 shoots and Devin Harryus scored 1 shoot. When asked how he scored so much in only one game, ben gordon said, "Um, I'm good?" the UNDERDOGS now will play the KINGS for the tote bag, and the UNDERDOGS will win cause they're the best!

Kings 4, Tigers 4, Nobody 1 (actually the Kings 1—get it?)
AMAZING WIN!!! As you can see it was a tie, at first. But then, since the Kings are kings, they made a law that only the Kings can win in the league. And when it faces Underdogs, the Kings will make their law bigger!

Of course Al Harrington, since he stayed out, he's gettin some rest for the game against Underdogs! Steve Nash is doing his best, but he needs some rest, like Al Harrington (hey, that rhymes!). Although, Al harrington might have gotten dizzy from watching Steve Nash play so amazingly that he thinks Steve Nash should be the king of the Kings or the Player of the Week. And Stephen Jackson should be the Player of the Weak! Steve Nash said, "Al Harrington's right."

Trojans 5, Butchers 4
Playing out the end of a grueling season-long debacle is no fun for anyone, especially Rasheed Wallace. That's why Sheed decided to sit this week out, as his Rigby Trojans narrowly escaped having to play in the 11th-12th place game. The Trojans' 5-4 victory now means Sheed can sit out their 8th-9th place game against Salt Lake as well. But what, pray tell, was Sheed doing instead of helping his team to victory? Why, volunteering at the Farnsworth TV Pioneer Museum, of course! Wallace took townsfolk and other visitors on in-depth guided tours of the local hot-spot, all the while informing the good people of the grand benefits of the television. He then read a TV Guide to local school children and helped Mr. Johnson with his potato crops. Because, you see, the WFBL Cares. "It was pretty emotional for me," said Wallace, enjoying a Bambino at a local eatery. "I'm a pretty emotional cat."

ROUND ONE EBP WINNER
LeBron James, Maracaibo