WEEK 11 POWER RANKINGS

WHERE THE BAD TEAMS ARE BAD AND THE GOOD TEAMS TAKE ADVANTAGE

How is Twin Falls only 5 games out of first place in the Wasatch? The Gators and Stratagem face off in a rare Game of the Week rematch (Strats won 5-4 in Week 2).

For the first time in a long time, the WFBL makes sense. There are good teams ('Caibo, Nephi, Park City, Zermatt, Twin Falls), there are the Butchers, and there are bad teams (everyone else). The good teams generally will beat the bad teams and the Butchers...well your guess is as good as mine with the Butchers. And so here we are, with a good team playing a good team, for our game of the week. Will Nephi reassert themselves as the top power in the Wasatch? Are the Gators ready to make their move? Will any of the bad teams beat any of the good teams? Well?

Team, Rank, (Previous), Overall, (Last Week)

1 (1) 61-36-2 (6-3-0)
The Igs lose but one game off of their lead on Zermatt, and get the good fortune of facing Bayside again (5-3-1 victors in Week 2). Something tells me that LeBron and Co. are just biding their time until Park City comes to town in two weeks.

2 (2) 56-40-3 (6-3-0)
Five weeks without a loss now for Park City, and still their only blemish was their Week 6 disaster at Nephi. And wait...what's this? Now superstar Kevin Durant has been added to the already star-studded Sundancer lineup! Well I wouldn't be surprised if the whole league started writing up their concession speeches!


3 (3) 57-38-4 (5-3-1)
Desperate times call for..Andres Nocioni? Nephi has a gaping hole to fill at the SF spot, and our sources tell us the Strats are completing a deal that will bring Mike Dunleavy from Zermatt for O.J. Mayo. Will Dunleavy regain his 2008 form? Will Nephi be able to hold off Park City for the Wasatch title?


4 (6) 54-43-2 (7-2-0)
Part 1 of "The Manageable Gauntlet"? Check. Part 2? At Udorn this week. And although the A-Boms should be favored here, one has to think they better not take the Jai-Rai for granted. This also marks our first blessed Deron Williams/Chris Paul matchup of the season. We're not worthy!


5 (7) 53-44-2 (7-1-1)
Kobe's playing like a man possessed. Wait, Kobe is already a man possessed. The evil spirit possessing Kobe's body is playing like an evil spirit possessed. And that evil spirit which possesses Kobe's evil spirit is pretty dang good at basketball.


6 (5) 50-48-1 (4-5-0)

Well, if you're going to lose to your closest competitor, a 5-4 loss really ain't too bad a way to go. But seriously, Richmond, you're getting awful close to losing your spot in the "undecided" group and joining the "bad group". It's official: if you lose to New York this week, you are bad. The end.


7 (10) 46-53-0 (5-4-0)
The good news: you gutted out a victory over Richmond, your biggest postseason competition. The bad news: you still sit 4.5 games back, and are done playing the Butchers this season. Not to sound repetitive, but calling the Zermatt series this week "must-win" may sound a bit harsh, but at 4.5 games back with New York breathing down their necks, we don't think so.


8 (6) 43-53-3 (1-7-1)
Rigby's actually quite lucky to get that tie, to be honest. They had to win last week. HAD to. One game from their PG. One from their PF. Now, for a team that just last week was dubbed "hottest in the league", the Trojans really have to hope Twin Falls chokes down the stretch (but, now that we think about it, that's not out of the realm of possibility).


9 (8) 42-56-0 (3-6-0)
The Kings were awful close to losing 8-1, and we find it very hard to find something positive to write about New York. Let's see...oh ok, here goes: Stephen Jackson's injury means there's no reason for him to be starting, which is the definition of addition by subtraction.


10 (11) 41-52-6 (3-5-1)
Don't get excited, St. George. You only move up thanks to Salt Lake's big loss. And while you entered last week only 6 games out of a playoff spot, you now sit 10 games out. In theory, the U-Dogs should be a better, well-rounded team now, having traded Durant to Park City for Turkey Glue and Lamarcus Aldridge.


11 (9) 43-55-1 (3-6-0)
How do you follow up the biggest regular-season upset in WFBL history? Why, by coming back down to earth in a demoralizing loss to Park City, that's how! And now what? Three weeks of winnable matchups before taking on the Iguanas. But, then again, is any matchup winnable for Salt Lake? Well, they beat Nephi, so anything is possssiiiiiiiiibbbbbbblllllleeeeeee!!!!!!!!!


12 (12) 35-62-2 (2-7-0)
We feel we should elaborate on last week's claim of Bayside's suckitude. Lachowsky has ignored his team for so long, he has nobody on his bench to replace his crappy/injured starters, because most of his reserves are also either crappy or injured, and the best player available on the waiver wire is Von Wafer. Is the season over yet?

THIS WEEK IN THE WFBL: WEEK 11

RIGBY REELING, RESTING RASHEED REHABS; NEW YORK FINDS BETTER THINGS TO DO THAN WATCH KINGS LOSE; 'DANCERS PUSH SNOWBEES FURTHER FROM PUBLIC CONSCIOUSNESS

Rasheed Wallace lets reporters get a glimpse of his water aerobics-inspired rehab plan.

BOY RIGBY REALLY BLEW THEIR CHANCE, AM I RIGHT?

RIGBY (Jefferson Star)—Going into their pivotal Wasatch Conference matchup, the Rigby Trojans—coming off of an upset over top-ranked Maracaibo and a tie with Park City—were but 3.5 games behind Twin Falls. Everything seemed to be going the Trojans' way. And then Sheed's sore right foot happened.

How Rasheed Wallace injured his right foot is beside the point. That it happened is all that matters. When the 2008-09 WFBL season is over, that single event will be looked back upon by Rigby faithful as the turning point in their season.

"'Sheed means so much to us, it's really not even funny," explained Vince Carter. "With him playing, we're such a different team. I didn't say better, I said different."

Thanks to Sheed missing so much time this week, and the subsequent 7-1-1 loss, the Trojans now find themselves 9.5 games out of the final Wasatch playoff spot, and looking for answers. If they're looking towards 'Sheed for those answers, he's more than happy to give 'em to you.

"Keep us on the back-burner," said Wallace, "rehabbing" his foot in a Rigby pool facility, . "We aren't out of this yet, because when you put that food on the back-burner, it's just simmering and it tastes better. When you got that food on the front burner, that's the one you're paying attention to the most, and that's the one that might burn. We're on that back-burner.”

The Trojans, sans Wallace, face another "backburner" team, Salt Lake, this week.

THANKS FOR STINKING, NY KINGS

NEW YORK (AP)—There's certainly a downside to the New York Kings' horrendous 2008-09 season (after their 6-3 loss to Maracaibo, the Kings currently sport the league's worst record, if you don't count Bayside, which most people don't). But New York fans are finding that there's also a surprising upside.

As everyone knows, New Yorkers are famous for their cool detachment and their ability to keep things—especially sports—in perspective. But ever since New York was awarded a WFBL franchise, residents have been uncharacteristically obsessed with their Kings. Of course, no one would argue that a certain degree of obsession with a WFBL team is unnatural or even unhealthy, but some Kings fans were reportedly going a bit overboard, following their team at the expense of other life-sustaining activities, like eating and breathing.

But with the Kings stinking like they do, it's been easier for fans to pull themselves away, and they've found, to their surprise, that there a other things in life just as fulfilling as watching the Kings lose. Hal Morgan, 39, from Queens, says he's discovered a new richness and variety in his life. "I used to only watch Kings games on TV," he says. "But the other day I got so disgusted that I changed the channel, and I discovered a whole new world of viewing possibilities. Did you know, for example, that there's a History Channel? As the name suggests, it has shows about history. Not just the history of the New York Kings, but of other things, like nations and peanut butter. But if the Kings had been watchable this season, I might never have known about this!"

Lenny Lorenzo, 44, from Brooklyn, says that the Kings' mediocrity has strengthened his family. "Now that I can't bear to watch basketball anymore, I'm looking forward to spending more time with my kids. It's a good thing, too, because I found out that while I was following the Kings my wife had like three or four more of them. I can't wait to get to know them, learn their names, and so on. So thank you, Steve Nash and Greg Oden, for underachieving this year. You've given me back my family."

Actually, maybe the whole country should be thanking the Kings for stinking, because it seems to have had a positive effect on worker productivity and economic growth in the nation's financial capital. William Walter Westbrook III, CEO of a big-shot financial firm on Wall Street, says his company has seen significant growth this season. "Before, when the Kings were competitive, we had employees spending most of their time at work reading articles on the WFBL Web site and arguing about who would win the game of the week and who should be the EBP. I'll admit that I, too, enjoy a good WFBL recap as much as the next guy. But reading about one Kings loss after another was getting old, and now my employees are using the Blackberries and iPhones to make questionable business deals instead of following the Kings. And since questionable business deals on Wall Street form the backbone of our country's economy, I feel that the best hope for ending this recession is for the Kings to continue to stink and for fans to continue to be uninterested."

Of course, not everyone believes that it's in our country's best interest for people to stop following professional basketball. "We stubbornly deny any claims that a person's quality of life improves when he or she loses interest in the WFBL," said league public-relations spokesman Phil Jackson. "We hereby issue a solemn warning to any fans who are considering not attending games or purchasing league-related merchandise that they will suffer long-term negative effects, such as unfamiliarity with new players and the embarassment of wearing apparel with outdated logos. However, because the WFBL is a merciful organization, the league is prepared to offer full amnesty to the penitent prodigal and will waive all penalties for fans who willingly renounce their allegiance to any and all other institutions and individuals and reaffirm their complete and loyal commitment to the WFBL."

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AROUND THE WFBL

Abominables 7, Tigers 2
The Bayside Tigers may have lost once again, running their winless steak to five weeks, and 10 of 11 this year, but for starting center Marcus Camby, there was reason to be optimistic in southern California. "Sure we got blown out by one of our most-hated rivals," said Camby. "And yes, we have the worst record in the league, and...well I can go on and on; but the point is, there was a moment when we were losing to the A-Boms by only 6-3, and that really got everyone's attention. I mean, for the first time since week one, our game mattered on the schedule, people were talking about us—that's good. But then they pulled ahead 7-2, and honestly I feel lucky to be getting a quote in this small recap space."

Stratagem 5, Underdogs 3, Unclaimed 1
St. George, Underdogs both literally and figuratively, went on the road last week and almost beat the best team in the land, the Nephi Strategem. The U-Dogs should feel pretty good about that, right? To almost pull off an upset like that?

"You know? You're right. To celebrate, I think we'll go out to Dairy Queen and almost eat a peanut buster parfait," said guard Ben Gordon. "After all, we did almost move up in the standings. That's been our goal all along: to almost make the playoffs."

Other guard Devin Harris, who was holding an almost-opened bottle of champagne in the locker room, agreed: "I'd say Gordon was almost the hero of the series, considering all those shots he almost made. Maybe Coach Tru should think about almost signing him to a contract extension."

"And don't forget how Harris almost stayed healthy all week," Gordon added. "We were so inspired by that, we're almost going to let him on the team bus back to St. George."

"That's probably a good thing," responded Harris. "Because otherwise Gordon might almost get his face rearranged if he doesn't shut up!"

If this kind of performance continues, St. George fans have vowed to almost show up for next week's series against Park City.

Sundancers 6, SnowBees 3
Do the Salt Lake SnowBees continue to have a purpose? Can someone please tell me, is there yet a reason for them to exist, or have they become so irrelevant this season that they could all just disappear without anyone even noticing?

"Perhaps an even better question would be, 'Have we ever existed?'" wonders guard Manu "Abejita de Nieve" Ginobili, who in some ways was nonexistent himself in a 6-3 loss to Park City that pushes Salt Lake further from the public consciousness. "I ask myself this all the time, especially after home games in the empty Mr. Mac Arena. As the old saying goes, 'If a former contender falls and no one's there to see it, do they make a sound?' In other words, is there really such a team as the Salt Lake SnowBees? Or do we all actually play for different teams, with a few of us chosen at random to have all our stats added together to create a 'fantasy' team?

"Then again, when we come to places like Park City and see the joy we bring to their fans by inflating the Sundancers' record like this, I realize that to them, at least, we seem to serve some purpose. So I, for one, am willing to continue to wear this SnowBees uniform, even though I remain doubtful about the reality of this team, as long as opposing fans believe that we're real."

Jai-Rai 5, Butchers 4
With their 5-4 victory over the Richmond Butchers, the Udorn Jai-Rai brought their 4-week losing streak not so much to a screeching halt as to a gradual rolling stop. Sure, getting a win was better than the alternative, but even so, the Jai-Rai still find themselves 4.5 games out of the final playoff spot in the World Conference. To make matters worse, Udorn faces a Zermatt club that already defeated them 6-3 earlier this year, and seems to be getting back on the right track after some tough holiday losses. So what does it all mean? "I dunno, we just gotta win, I guess," said point guard Deron Williams, who this week will be facing off against his arch nemesis and fiercest rival, Chris Paul, for the first and perhaps only time this season. "Sometimes it just comes down to recognizing that you need to win, it's really that simple. I think we can try that this week. Boy I hope Zermatt doesn't realize that too."

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WEEK 10 EBP WINNER
Andre Iguodala, Zermatt