WEEK 2 POWER RANKINGS

WHERE WE WONDER IF TWIN FALLS' THREATS ARE MERELY FATUOUS

The Gators hate the Abominables for so many reasons it would be impossible to list them all.

The Power Rankings gets the feeling that when the 2008-09 schedules were released, "Week 2: Gators at Abominables" was circled (or just double-clicked so it gets kind of highlighted in blue) by both Twin Falls and Zermatt. We all know the disdain Adams and the Gators feel towards Barnes and the A-Boms, due to Zermatt's effectively ending Twin Falls' season the last two years. But let's remember, it's not just the low-lying Gators who hate the defending champs. Zermatt's other nemesis, the Park City Sundancers, could stake their claim to first with an A-Boms loss, not to mention last season's roster-pillaged Nephi Stratagem. Do the WFBL a favor, Twin Falls! Take down the Champs, if you can!

Team, Rank, (Previous), Overall, (Last Week)

1 (1) 12-6 (6-3)
4-game disadvantage notwithstanding, the Abominables stretch their unbeaten-streak to 11 weeks, including playoffs. Does Zermatt leave well enough alone? Have you even been following the WFBL? A-Boms trade Chandler and Ford to bring back Rashard Lewis, a key member of last year's championship team.


2 (2) 10-8-0 (5-4-0)
Nephi's first-ever win over Twin Falls makes the Power Rankings believe the Strats are for real. Last season's lovable losers are ranked in the top four in the league in 6 categories (FT%, 3S, REBS, ASTS, STLS, PTS). Nephi shouldn't have a problem with reeling Udorn.


3 (3) 10-7-1 (5-3-1)
Would have liked to have seen Park City assert itself more against an over-matched St. George team. Another block, and you might be looking at the #2 team in the Power Rankings. No worries, 'Dancer fans. Your boys can rack up some more wins as struggling New York comes to town this week.


4 (6) 12-5-1 (5-3-1)
The Igs pick up a quality win over Bayside, which is nice for Maracaibo because it's good to beat the Tigers early in the season, when their preseason ranking still makes beating them seem like a "quality win". Hurry and take down Salt Lake before they lose their luster too!


5 (5) 9-8-1 (4-5-0)
What? Are you kidding? The Gators lose but they don't drop in the standings? Sob sob waaaaaaaaa! Conspiracy! Impeach the Commish! Boo-hoo boo-hoo!




6 (8) 12-6-0 (7-2-0)
The Power Rankings has always felt that when a team is facing an over-matched opponent, it needs to take advantage with at least a 6-3 victory if it wants to be considered a good team. Well, how's 7-2 for you? Richmond is tops in REBS and STLS, and top-3 in FG%, ASTS, and BLKS. But how will they fare with Josh Smith shelved for the near future?


7 (4) 8-10-0 (4-5-0)
Um, Salt Lake, you're making the Power Rankings look bad. And for that, you get the biggest drop of all this week. It's not like losing 4-5 twice is anything to get too concerned about, but you just benched your number one draft pick...not a good sign for the preseason number 2 team.


8 (7) 6-11-1 (3-5-1)
The only reason the Tigers haven't dropped further is their two losses have come against the Abominables and Iguanas, who are a combined 24-11-1. Strength of schedule won't save you forever, Bayside! At least fans can be comforted to see Camby and Beardo are "healthy" again.


9 (10) 8-9-1 (5-4-0)
Well, Rigby addressed their rebounding and blocking questions, acquiring Tyson Chandler from Zermatt. Led by Joe Johnson and Rasheed Wallace, the Trojans are looking more like the 2007 version and less like the 2008 version. Rigby hosts Bayside in an inter-conference showdown this week.


10 (9) 7-11 (3-6)
Still no D-Will equals another loss for the Jai-Rai, this time at the hands of Williams' arch-rival Chris Paul and the A-Boms. Udorn welcomes another nemesis (for different reasons altogether) T-Mac and the 2nd-ranked Nephi Stratagem to town this week.


11 (11) 7-10-1 (3-5-1)
Their loss to the 'Dancers actually could have gone either way. The Power Rankings is holding the U-Dogs at 11 for now—due in part to New York's ineptitude—but also because everyone roots for an Underdog! Everyone except the Butchers, the team who ended St. George's dream season a year ago and visits southern Utah this week.


12 (12) 4-14-0 (2-7-0)
On the other end of the spectrum we have the Kings. Ranked in the bottom four in FG%, REBS, STLS, BLKS and PTS all add up to being ranked dead last in the Power Rankings. New York fans are starting to wonder if even Sonic the Hedgehog can turn things around.

THIS WEEK IN THE WFBL: WEEK 2

STRATS SNEAK PAST GATORS, TAKE OVER SECOND IN WASATCH; PARK CITY LIKENED TO GIANT SPACE LASER; SALT LAKE, MARION CONTINUE UNDERACHIEVEMENT


























Is Yao wearing pants? That's for Yao to know and you to find out.

Ming's Musings: On Beating Twin Falls for Second Place; On Wearing Sweaters in Utah

NEPHI (Yao Ming)—We beat the Gators this week. It was a hard-fought, honorable match. We won by the count of 5 for and 4 against. We had never beaten them before. In fact, our previous losses were 2-7 and 2-6-1. So yeah, I am glad to have upheld the honor of our team this time.

I enjoy second place. It is a new, yet much better experience than last place, where we're used to being. It's funny, because now the question "How's the weather up there?" can be answered by me as both a very tall man and as a man on the top of the conference standings. One meaning of that question has already gotten old, the other I don't think ever will.

Speaking of weather, Utah is a cold place, I don't know if you've noticed. The snow has started already, but sometimes what I like to do before it gets too bad—when it's just a little chilly out and the grass has yet to be coated in sparkling white—is just put on my favorite cardigan, go and curl up in my backyard, dig my toes into the cold grass, and think of rebounding. Or of maintaining an insanely high free-throw percentage for a man of my size. But alas, winter is here, and that all will have to be shelved until the spring.

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Amare Proving Nobody Does it Better

PARK CITY (AP )—In light of Barack Obama recently being elected as this country's first black president, current 007 star Daniel Craig has suggested that the time has also come for an African American to play James Bond.

Let me be the first to say this is an excellent idea. And even though Craig's second Bond feature Quantum of Solace is just arriving in theaters this week, it doesn't seem too early to recommend the ideal candidate to play Great Britain's answer to Shaft. I'll give you a hint: He just happens to be fresh off a successful acting stint on the children's show Yo Gabba Gabba. Yes, I am talking about Stoudemire... Amare Stoudemire.

Stoudemire cemented his candidacy to become the first black James Bond with his "are you kidding me?" stat line from game 2 against the Underdogs: 49 points, 17/21 from the field, 15/15 from the line, 11 rebs, 6 assists, 5 steals, and 2 blocks. Are you kidding me? (See, I told you.) With that kind of dominance on the basketball court, it is hardly a stretch to imagine him thwarting super villains who happen to take up residence inside hollowed-out volcanoes.

Just think of the possibilities if a star athlete such as Stoudemire were to take over this famed role. Old Bond films could be remade with unique twists and variations to highlight Stoudemire's abilities: You Only Dunk Twice, On Her Majesty's Pickup Game, The Spy Who Rejected Me, A View to a Rebound and Points Are Not Enough immediately spring to mind.

With their 5-3-1 victory over St. George, it appears that Park City is indeed a diamond-powered space laser to be reckoned with. In addition to commandeering first place in the Wasatch Conference, the Sundancers are also ranked among the top two teams in six statistical categories. But like 007, they are not without their vices. No, I'm not talking about a lust for the ladies and an unhealthy affection for strong drinks. Rather, Park City lives on the edge of danger, playing with such reckless abandon that they turn the ball over—A LOT. Also they kinda stink at three point shooting. But every hero needs a few flaws to humanize them, am I right? Daniel Craig's got my back on this one.

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Marion Says Sorry, Benched Anyway; Change Comes to Salt Lake

SALT LAKE CITY (AP)—Shortly after the Rigby Trojans spoiled the Salt Lake SnowBees' home opener by a not-really-that-close 5-4 clip, members of the media converged in the press room in the SnowHive at Mr. Mac Arena, in much the same way flies converge on rotting fruit, for a postgame press conference. Some highlights follow:

SnowBees owner Ted "Beekeeper" Barnes: Ladies and gentlemen of the media, before we take your insightful and thought-provoking questions, one of my players has something he wants to say.

Underachieving small forward Shawn Marion: Aw, coach, do I have to?

Beekeeper [handing Marion a type-written page]: Quit whining and read it!

Marion: "Dear ... media ... and ... fans, ... I want ... to take ... this ... op-- ... op--"

Beekeeper: "Opportunity."

Marion: "Opportunity to ... ap-- ... ap-- ... ap--"

Beekeeper: "Apologize!"

Marion: I was gonna say that! You have to let me sound it out! "Apologize ... fo-- ... fo--"

Beekeeper: "FOR!!" I can't believe this. Gimme that! This is taking all day. What did you major in at UNLV anyway, slot machines? [Clears throat] "Dear media and fans, I want to take this opportunity to apologize for the monumental disappointment I've been so far this season. The good people of Salt Lake City deserve better than 39% shooting from their small forward, and there's simply no excuse for my performance. I especially want to apologize to the Beekeeper, who selected me with the number 1 pick in the draft under the mutual understanding that I would put up all-star numbers every night. I take full responsibility for our current losing streak, for the country's recent economic downturn, and for the fact that the nachos at Mr. Mac Arena kind of taste like salty cardboard, and I absolve the Beekeeper of any fault for all of these things. At the same time, I urge SnowBees fans to continue to purchase tickets and merchandise and come to home games as if the team were doing well, and if you can't come to the games, then at least purchase tickets. I hereby promise that the next time the SnowBees are in a position to draft me, I will warn them if I'm going to have a mediocre season. Remorsefully, Shawn Marion."

Center Pau Gaso, visibly moved: Wow, Shawn, that was beautiful.

Marion: Shut up, Gasol.

Beekeeper: Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to announce that the player in question, whose name shall not be mentioned, has been officially removed from the SnowBees' starting lineup until his behavior improves.

Marion: But Coach, I SAID sorry!

Beekeeper: Will someone please tell the player in question not to speak until he is spoken to?

Gasol: Shawn, Coach says not to—

Marion: I KNOW what he said.

Beekeeper: While on the bench, the player will be given the chance to think about what he has done and resolve never to do it again. I will now take questions from the members of the media.

Q: Is it too early to call Shawn Marion a bust?

Beekeeper: Too early?!? We're 18 games into the season! If this were the NFL, we'd be in the playoffs by now. Correction—we'd be out of the playoffs by now, looking for jobs selling concessions at other teams' playoff games. How many chances does a top overall pick get, anyway? I should have benched him a long time ago.

Q: Who will replace Marion in the starting lineup?

Beekeeper: We're replacing Marion with Tayshaun Prince, who, it's worth noting, kind of looks like Barack Obama and may be related in some way. But even if Tayshaun and the president elect share no common ancestry, they have something far more important in common: a vaguely defined promise of change. Change for its own sake—bold, unabashed, jump-in-the-river-headfirst, leap-before-you-look, measure-once-and-cut-twice change. That's change I and all of SnowBee Nation can believe in. ¡Si se puede!

[Press conference concludes amid delirious cheers and reporters chanting "Yes we can!"]

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AROUND THE WFBL

Abominables 6, Jai-Rai 3
The defending champs, led by newly starting-lineup-inserted Thaddeus Young, survived a scare from the pesky Jai-Rai, despite playing four fewer games. "One things for sure, two things for certain," said Allen Iverson. "That Thaddeus kid is alright. He can hit the three, he gets steals, he doesn't get nearly enough rebounds that he should. It's like if Hedo Turkoglu and Rashard Lewis had a baby, it'd be Thaddeus. I shall call him Thaddeus TurkoLew. Just saying that name give me chillbumps." Coach Barnes promptly showed his thanks for the youngster's efforts by sending TurkoLew to the bench and trading for Rashard Lewis, stating he'll "Take (my) chances with the real thing."

Iguanas 5, Tigers 3, Everybody 1
The Bayside Tigers, who for some reason came into the season with extremely high preseason rankings for a team that finished 10th a year ago, looked lost and confused again, this time at the hands of Los Iguanas de Maracaibo, the team with the top record in the land. It's hard to comprehend how a team with Marcus Camby at center can fail to be victorious in both blocks and steals, but Bayside is not your conventional WFBL team. "Just when you think we're out, we start makin' a run," said forward Caron Butler. "And it'll happen, just wait. Although, as soon as we start makin' that run, 3/5 of our starting lineup will get injured. But for that week or two where we're clicking, we'll be one tough out, that's for sure." The Tigers may or may not begin that run this week at Rigby.

Butchers 7, Kings 2
NEW YORK (AP)—With a Sonic the Hedgehog plush doll fuming impatiently on the sidelines, the New York Kings embarrassed themselves with a second consecutive 2-7 blowout loss, this one against the Richmond Butchers in front of a furious home crowd. Though the league is still dragging its feet on Sonic's eligibility to play for the Kings (since he is nonhuman and is from another planet), owner TJ Barnes decided to let the hedgehog dress for the game and sit with the team. "I'm here for motivational purposes," Sonic says. "I serve as a constant reminder to the other players that they are all in perpetual danger of losing their job to a woodland rodent. And by the way, if I were in there, I guarantee you [Butchers guard] John Salmons does not score 71 points." Is TJ's motivational strategy working? "Not really," says center Al Harrington. "It's backfiring actually. I mean, I feel insulted, but not to the extent that I want to prove everyone wrong and start making a bunch of three-pointers or something. I feel just enough insult to undermine my confidence. I think I may actually start playing worse now, if you can imagine that."

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WEEK 1 EBP WINNER (tie)
Chris Paul, Zermatt
José Calderón, Nephi