WE'VE GOT CHRISTMAS SPIRIT, HOW 'BOUT YOU?

'DANCERS LIVE UP TO NAME, PUT ON SHOW-STOPPING PERFORMANCE

PARK CITY (AP)—Not to be outdone by their European arch-rivals, the Park City Sundancers, after being embarrassed by Zermatt on their own court during a halftime show for the ages, compiled their own elaborate song-and-dance sequence full of holiday cheer. The 'Dancers pulled out all the stops, as not only regular superstars Dwyane Wade, Amare Stoudemire, and Chris Bosh performed for the crowd during a fourth-quarter time out, but reclusive arena-namesake Robert Redford and "injured" point guard and Park City icon Gilbert Arenas joined the hoe-down.

"I'll be darned if Barnes and the A-Boms try and spread their brand of 'holiday cheer' in our town," said Barton. "But say, how 'bout that Gilby? That knee's lookin' pretty good, am I right?"

HAVE AN ABOMINABLE CHRISTMAS!

A-BOMS SPREAD HALFTIME HOLIDAY CHEER, IVERSON A NO-SHOW

PARK CITY (AP)—In the midst of a fierce battle with their arch-rivals, and in what some are calling a move to dispell the numerous allegations from popular children's holiday specials that Abominables hate everything to do with Chirstmas, the entire starting lineup for Zermatt, under the direction of team mascot Alger the A-Bom, got together at halftime to perform an elaborate song-and-dance routine for the Sundancer crowd. Chris Paul, Rashard Lewis, Antawn Jamison, Al Jefferson, and even Alger himself starred in the festive musical number. Allen Iverson, who repeatedly skipped rehearsals ("Rehearsals? We talkin' bout rehearsals?"), was promptly traded to the Butchers for his insubordination.

Despite the festive mood of the performance, the Sundancer crowd, not to mention team and executives, did not take kindly to the performance. Time will tell if there will be any sort of retaliation in kind from Park City.

WEEK 7 POWER RANKINGS

THE POWER RANKINGS BREAKS OUT ITS NAUGHTY LIST

The Ski-Town Skirmish is finally here! The Abominables and Sundancers are both coming off wins following humiliating losses (their only losses of the season), and with the Oaken Skis of Yore Trophy once again on the line, this should be a battle that lives up to the hype.

Throughout the season, there will always be plenty of spotlight on the great players in the WFBL. The EBP Awards, the All-Star team, and so on. That's all fine and good, but the Power Rankings has decided to focus this week on the players out there that seem to be doing everything they can to keep their respective teams from reaching their potential. These are the players that frustrate owners to no end. This is the Power Rankings' Naughty List

Team, Rank, (Previous), Overall, (Last Week)

1 (1) 41-21-1 (6-3-0)
Naughty: Carlos Boozer. It's really picking nits here, and the Iguanas had the foresight to draft Paul Millsap (Week 6's EBP winner), but Boozer and his quad are probably going to be needed if 'Caibo plans on making any postseason noise.


2 (2) 39-23-1 (6-3-0)
Naughty: Tracy McBaby. Granted, the Strats knew what they were getting themselves into when they drafted him, but it is extremely frustrating seeing McBaby's stat line vary from "DNP" one night to 40% FG, 100% FT, 2 threes, 10 rebs, 9 asts, 1 stl and 24 pts the next night, and back to "DNP".


3 (4) 36-26-1 (7-2-0)
Naughty: Well, Iverson, you were a shoe-in for this list but you're no longer on the team, so you lucked out. And David West, you were next in line, but again, traded. So how about Mike Miller? The A-Boms' 4th-rounder, when not battling injuries, has drastically underperformed, and now may be out of a starting job even when he does get healthy.


4 (3) 35-26-2 (5-4-0)
Naughty: Mo Williams, Randy Foye, and Nate Robinson. If only one member of the three-headed point guard monster would establish themselves, then the 'Dancers, heaven help us all, would be even more dominating than they already are.


5 (10) 31-31-1 (8-1-0)
Naughty: Iguodala was making his case for the list, but the Butchers dispatched of his underacheiving behind. So even though Josh Smith has still been doing Josh Smith things, the Butchers need him to do them at a better rate than he has if they want to compete with the top teams in the World Conference.


6 (7) 31-32-0 (4-5-0)
Naughty: Deron Williams. Ahem. 2008: 51% FG, 80% FT, 1 three, 3 rebs, 10.5 asts, 1.1 stls, .3 blks, 3.4 tos, 18.8 pts. 2009: 38% FG, 85% FT, .7 threes, 2.5 rebs, 10.3 asts, .7 stls, .2 blks, 3.5 tos, 11.9 pts. Hey, at least his free throw percentage is up this year!



7 (6) 29-33-1 (3-6-0)
Naughty: Jason Richardson. While most owners lauded the Gators for their selection of J-Rich, his performance this season has hardly been praise-worthy. A season ago, Richardson averaged almost 3 threes per game. This season, he is down to 1.9 per, causing the Gators' current second-to-last standing in total threes.


8 (9) 28-31-4 (4-4-1)
Naughty: Lamar Odom. A vital part of the Abominables late-season run last year, Odom is a shell of his former self, averaging only nearly half the rebounds as last year, with drop-offs in just about every other category. Consistency at SF has been the achilles heel for the U-Dogs this season, and Odom's performance has been a big reason for it.

9 (5) 27-35-1 (1-8-0)
Naughty: Leandro Barbosa. The Trojans' presumptive starting PG has seen every one of his statistical categories drop off from last season, save steals and turnovers. And with the emergence of Raymond Felton, DJ Augustin, and TJ Ford, Barbosa can enjoy playing with his lump pf coal on the sidelines this year.

10 (11) 25-36-2 (4-4-1)
Naughty: Rich Lachowsky. Your team can only go as far as your owner will take you. And so far this year, Lachowsky has taken the Tigers to...11th place in the Power Rankings. Not that we'd expect anything more, but Bayside has the pieces to do some damage this year...if only...

11 (8) 25-38-0 (2-7-0)
Naughty: Shawn Marion. While Marion still gives the SnowBees some good numbers here and there, HE WAS THE NUMBER ONE PICK IN THE DRAFT. The following players were taken after Marion: EVERYBODY.


12 (12) 24-39-0 (3-6-0)
Naughty: Everyone—for turning the ball over and not blocking enough shots? A little harsh? Maybe, but the Kings are such an enigma, and should be much better than their record indicates. The Kings rank dead last in blocks and second-to-last in turnovers.

THIS WEEK IN THE WFBL: WEEK 7

IGUANAS KEEP ROLLING; A-BOMS, DANCERS BACK ON TRACK; BUTCHERS TROUNCE TROJANS
















OMG tha Igwanaz waxd r carcuss!! QUE PASA? LOL the Big ARISTOTLE
about 7 hours ago from txt

Gators Lose Again, Not Shaq's Fault

MARACAIBO (AP)—The Twin Falls Gators just don't seem to be the team they used to lately, falling to top-ranked Maracaibo 6-3. While there are plenty of players at whom the finger of fault could easily be pointed, there is at least one Gator who can honestly say "don't look at me": Shaquille O'Neal.

That's because Shaq so far this season has given coach Shaun Adams little reason to put the former All-Star (but never in the WFBL) center in the starting lineup. So what does Shaq think about all this? What does the Big Benchwarmer do with all his spare time? Thanks to a modern technology called twitter, we were able to glean a number of interesting thoughts right from the Diesel's mouth, or fingers rather, as O'Neal whiled away the week on the bench, observing, thinking, musing. Here is just a sampling:

aw man we lost agin whatev man we still da best about 5 hours ago from txt

kobe make a shot how do it taste now lol about 12 hours ago from txt

adams looks busy with his football team geez wtf? about 12 hours ago from txt

every person who you count on counts on you Shaquille oneal Dec 13th from txt

saw rudolph on abc family new kind of family that santa is racist! LOL jk Dec 12th from txt

chaves roamin sidelines he is one angry dude why he hates america so much? ne1 no? Dec 11th from txt

Even the iguanas no me, da ones real small, i speak to em like ibadablaa, Jigamagla, bockeraaa Dec 11th from txt

jingle bells jingle bells jingle all the way oh what fun it is to SHAQ ATTACK! lol Dec 10th from txt

don't give up, bibby, don't eva give up! we miss u jimmy v! shaquille o'Neal Dec 10th from txt

IF YOU CAN'T WORK IT OUT THEN IT WILL WoRk out ON YOU JEEZ I SUCK ATT TYPIN!!LOL Dec 9th from txt

hello my twitterean brothers and sisters we r in venzuelia why is it so hotttt? lol TURN UP THE AC lol Dec 8th from txt
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Zermatt Introduces Mascot, Pummels Salt Lake

SALT LAKE (AP)—Proving that their humiliating loss to the Iguanas was merely an aberration (no really, honest!), Ben Barnes and the Zermatt Abominables took out their frustration on the hapless Salt Lake SnowBees, trouncing older brother by a score of 7-2. It was their first victory over Ted's team since the 2006-07 season.

But overshadowing all this was the Abominables' introduction of a new mascot, who starting last week can be found roaming the sidelines, energizing the crowd, organizing local charity events, and attending your child's birthday party for a reasonable fee.

"Alger the Abominable" was graciously allowed to be introduced during halftime of the A-Boms/SnowBees tilt last week (SnowBees officials claimed it was fine by them, as they hadn't planned on doing anything for halftime anyways), and he did not disappoint. After repelling from the jumbotron, the white-haired, red-eyed yeti (whose name means "clever warrior" in German) pranced around on stilts, waving to the mostly pro-Abominable crowd, who are known to follow their team around the globe.

Alger was raised by a pack of yetis in a cave high in the Swiss Alps, where he learned from a young age many skills that would help him to become who he is today: skills such as dunking basketballs off trampolines and silly-string marksmanship. After his time at the Glion Institute in Zurich, where he majored in Mascot Science (with a minor in Ferocity), Alger returned to Zermatt to claim the title of Official Team Mascot of the Zermatt Abominables.

"We see big things in the future with Alger," said Ben, as the furry snow monster was seen de-pantsing Salt Lake's Dirk Nowitzki during a fourth-quarter timeout. "He's a vital part of this team now. We let him come to board meetings and he always has so many clever ideas. He graduated with honors from Glion, you know."

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For SnowBee center Pau Gasol and A-bom guard Mike Miller, last week's series was a timely reminder that basketball, like all sports but more so, serves an important function in modern society: it allows grown men the opportunity to physically express affection in a setting safe from ridicule and artificial "machismo" inhibitions. Safe, that is, until someone finds a photograph of such a physical expression, rips it from its context, and posts it to an Internet blog site, leaving it fully exposed to all kinds of sarcasm and scorn. But that never happens.

"Over the past week, Michael and I have become very close," Gasol explained. "Before I knew him just as a name and a hand to shake before tipoff—and I suppose as a teammate with Bayside last year—but playing nine games against each other in seven days really gave us a chance to deepen our relationship."

Gasol went on (why stop him?): "I think it started in like the first or second game. I was playing away from the paint, like I always do—I'm listed as a center, but I'm more of a finesse, avoid-contact type of center than a get-rebounds type of center. Anyways, a shot went up, and I was watching to see who would get the rebound when I noticed Michael was boxing me out. And I thought to myself, 'Now, he knows I'm not in any danger of getting that rebound. Why would he do that?'

"Well, the next time down the floor he does the same thing, only this time he holds the box-out about a second longer than he needs to, and then it occurs to me that Michael is trying to connect. So I decided that for the rest of the series, instead of fulfilling my defensive assignment [defending Zermatt center Al Jefferson], which I wasn't really good at anyway, I would guard Michael and just see where things took us.

"It was a bit awkward at first, since he's a guard and I'm a center. And not to mention he had no business being on the court at all, since he wasn't even in the starting lineup. And some may argue that I cost my team the series by leaving Jefferson open so much. But what Michael and I have gained together is more important than any game, or any nine games."

Sadly, the series had to come to an end, as all series do. And with the Abominables ascending to a likely high playoff seed this season and the SnowBees, well, going in the other direction, the chance for another series between the teams seemed improbable. "Michael and I knew that this might be the last time we ever see each other. So at the end of game nine we promised that we'd do whatever we can to make sure our teams somehow meet again in one or the other of the league's postseason tournaments. Frankly, there's not much I can do on my end to get the SnowBees into the Concludings. Remember, I'm Pau Gasol, not Kevin Garnett or Chris Bosh. But Michael is hoping he can sabotage his team enough to drop them into the Consolation playoffs. So maybe there's still hope for us."

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AROUND THE WFBL

Butchers 8, Trojans 1
If there's one thing the Trojans can do it's hit from three. Unfortunately for Rigby, that was the only thing they could do last week, falling by the embarrassing score of 8-1. A week after supposedly righting the ship against St. George, Rigby failed to notch its second win streak of the season. "If we want to establish ourselves as one of the elite unexceptional teams, we need to win games like this," said shooting guard Joe Johnson, who, bless his heart, is trying so very hard. "We get another shot at a middle of the road team next week, and we really have to take advantage." The Trojans travel to Thailand to take on the slightly-below-average Jai-Rai.

Sundancers 5, Jai-Rai 4
If anyone knows how to produce 5-4 final scores, its the Park City Sundancers and Udorn Jai Rai. Each time these two teams have met, the result has been the same. Twice during the regular season last year, the Jai Rai triumphed 5-4, and when they met in the consolation bracket, it was Park City's turn. This unusual streak appeared to be in jeopardy in their latest matchup though, as the score was deadlocked at 4-4-1 on Sunday night with time winding down. With all categories but blocks being decided, Park City turned to the unlikeliest of heroes: first time starting point guard Randy Foye.

"Coach called us out," revealed Foye. "He told us someone's gotta block a shot. Chris and Amare sort of slunk to the back of the huddle, like they knew it should have been them, but their minds were preoccupied with the impending game of Risk awaiting them on the plane ride back to Park City. So I just stepped forward and said I'll do it coach. I'll block the shot. It was the least I could do after shooting 39% for the week, am I right?"

Underdogs 4, Tigers 4, Nobody 1
The world—at least, that segment of the world that was paying attention—learned something about the St. George Underdogs and the Bayside Tigers last week. Their 4-4-1 tie showed everyone that neither team is particularly good, but also not quite so terribly bad as perhaps we thought. For those in southern Utah and southern California who like closure and clear resolutions, it was a frustrating week. Take the U-Dogs, for example: what are fans to make of a team that leads the league in ties (4) and has won only two series out of seven this season, and yet would qualify for the playoffs if they started today (it's not too early to say that, is it?)? Legend has it that when Ludwig van Beethoven was just a little tyke and his father wanted him to get his lazy wig out of bed, he would go to the piano and play the first seven notes of an eight-note scale. The sound of an unresolved scale was so maddening to little Ludwig that he'd scramble to the piano as fast as he could and play the final note. Well, somebody on the U-Dog roster needs to wake up and resolve this season before it's too late. Perhaps newly acquired SF Kevin Durant is just the man for the job.

Stratagem 6, Kings 3
Now that the Nephi Stratagem have firmly established themselves (itself? I hate singular nouns in team names) as one of the league's elite teams, while the New York Kings have made themselves comfortable in the league's basement, you might think the result of last week's matchup between the two, a 6-3 Nephi rout, would come as no surprise, even to Kings players themselves. But basketball players are delusional. "We go into every series believing we can win," guard Steve Nash said with a straight face. And that's probably good for the fans, because if the Kings were able to see themselves as they really are, they would probably be so disheartened that they wouldn't show up for the rest of the season. Then again, most fans probably would not be able to tell the difference.

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WEEK 6 EBP WINNER
Paul Millsap, Maracaibo