NEW JERSEY IN SWITZERLAND

SPOILS OF CONCLUDINGS VICTORY PRESENTED TO COMMISH IN CEREMONY

ZERMATT (AP)—In front of a crowd of zero people, Ben Barnes, WFBL Commissioner and head coach of the 07-08 Champion Zermatt Abominables, was presented with yet another prize.

"Forget the Concludings (aka Commissioner Barnes) Trophy," Barnes said to himself. "The REAL prize is this fine specimen of a jersey!"

Thanks to his team's 7-2 slaughter of the Twin Falls Gators last April, Barnes is now the proud owner of a custom A-Boms home uniform, Chris Paul (Concludings EBP) edition.

"Look at the fine craftsmanship," said Barnes, who has now coached two teams to the WFBL Concludings title. "And such a fine design—just like the pros wear! You know how much I love that tackle twill!"

This was the first year that the owner of the Concludings-winning team has been rewarded with the custom jersey, but hopefully not the last.

"This one was on the house, but next year—and hopefully for many years to come—let's all pitch in 6 bucks and get the winner a jersey, for all their hard work," said Barnes. "Should I get a black roadie or a red alt when I win it again next year?"

The Commish's wife had no comment.

07-08 SENIOR SLIDE SHOW

COMMISH FINDS IT QUITE HARD TO SAY GOODBYE TO YESTERDAY



ZERMATT (AP)—The 2007-08 WFBL season has long ended, but for WFBL staff and players around the League—notably Commissioner Barnes and his Concludings Champions Zermatt Abominables—the season wasn't officially over until yesterday. Dragged from all corners of the globe to meet in a mandatory assembly in WFBL Headquarters in Switzerland, Commissioner Barnes presented a captivating, notalgia-laced Senior Slide show, set to songs from top contemporary musicians such as Boyz II Men, Sarah McLachlan, and Teddy Pendergrass.

While everyone agreed that the tribute was a fitting way to end the season, some question its timing, as well as the choice of photos chosen.

"These things are always lame," opined Baron Davis of the Bayside Tigers, whose visage was nowhere to be found on the slide show. "It's always the popular kids and their friends that get included, and the rest of us get left out."

"Seriously! How many photos of Chris Paul and KG do we need?" asked a rhetorical Joe Johnson. "We get it! Zermatt won! Whoop-de-doo! Can we just get back to our summer vacations?"

"Summer vacation?!" asked the Commish. "There is no summer vacation! Summer vacations are what get people like Joe Johnson and the Rigby Trojans a last-place finish! Working hard during the off-season on slide shows is what wins championships!"