I'm sure the Abominables wouldn't think twice of asking for a do-over by trading Paul back to Nephi for Yao, right? Right?NEPHI TOPPLES ZERMATT, YAO-PAUL TRADE DEEMED "UNMITIGATED SUCCESS" FOR STRATS
ZERMATT (AP)—Was it only a year ago that the Zermatt Abominables swung a deal with the Nephi Stratagem that would bring future Concludings EBP Chris Paul to Zermatt in exchange for future Injured List occupant Yao Ming? Why yes, it was! Well for those of you out there who are so hasty to call that theivery of the grandest scale on Zermatt's part, look again. The Nephi Stratagem defeated the A-Boms 6-2-1, and Coach Barnes has no one to blame but his precious star point guard.
"When I first got here there was a lot of negative press," said Yao, who has led Nephi to victory in every week of play so far this season, something Chris Paul has not been able to do for Zermatt. "They all said, 'Oh Nephi you crazy, Chris Paul so good Yao Ming so fragile' and so forth. I admit I started to believe them as I watched from my hospital bed as Paul raised the Commissioner Barnes trophy high above his head. But now? Maybe this proves our owner knows how to make trades."
Going into the final day, all Zermatt needed was some decent FG%, about 6 or 7 rebounds, and 4 steals. All in a day's work for Chris Paul, right?
"It's just your all-time choke job, that's what it was," said Strats forward Tracy McGrady, who was not able to finish the interview after complaints of light-headedness. "You didn't see Yao not get his rebounds or steals. He got us exactly what we needed."
"Just think," added shooting guard Brandon Roy. "If we never would have traded for Yao, we might possibly have lost to Zermatt this week. I mean, what more convincing do you need that he was the guy for our team? Concludings EBPs? Please, that's in the past. We won an interconference game in Week 10! That's a statement right there!"
ALDRIDGE DOESN'T SNOOZE, NOR DO SUNDANCERS LOSE
RICHMOND (AP)—Every team needs a good bench, but as LaMarcus Aldridge is finding out this year, backing up Park City starting lineup stalwarts Chris Bosh and Amare Stoudemire isn't a job that requires much exertion. "For the first couple of weeks I'd have thumb wars on the bench with lil' Nate," shared Aldridge. "But after he got his starting shot in week 3, it was like he wasn't one of us anymore. And I wasn't going to play with Luis (Scola)—dude's palms are sweaty. Eventually I just got so bored that I decided to start catching up on my Z's during the games."
Aldridge's narcoleptic bench habits didn't go unnoticed by his teammates though. "Sure we all saw LaMarcus," explained Bosh. "He would innocently rest his head on his hands, then slowly he would start leaning to one side until his head would slip off and he would snap it back up, like he was trying to make it through a boring Sunday School lesson. I couldn't help but chuckle at the sight—in between rim-rocking dunks that is. Up top!"
Stoudemire weighed in, "Yeah the whole thing was kinda funny, until, in the middle of the Ski Town Skirmish—the greatest rivalry throw down of all time—LaMarcus actually got all curled up on the end of the bench in an officially licensed Park City Sundancers Snuggie™ (http://www.getsnuggie.com/). It was then that I began to realize that maybe Chris and I were taking our starting spot in the lineup for granted."
What happened next will likely melt the heart of even the most hardened cynic. "I went in to coach's office and laid my jersey on his desk," continued Stoudemire. "I told him as my Christmas present to LaMarcus, I wanted him to start in my place against the Butchers. The thing that surprised me most was that coach agreed. I certainly wasn't expecting that."
It turned out to be a happy ending all around for the Sundancers though, as Aldridge didn't do anything to screw up an efficient 6-3 victory over Richmond, and Stoudemire got dibs on the Snuggie™.
ARCHETYPE, SHMARCHETYPE: KINGS SHOW DISREGARD FOR ANCIENT MYTHICAL PATTERNS IN WIN OVER U-DOGS
ST GEORGE (AP)—The WFBL, like most works of art, is successful because it takes advantage of ancient story-telling myths that resonate with the human experience and are meaningful universally, in all cultures, throughout time. These myths are called "archetypes" by those who want to sound scholarly, so let's call them that too, shall we? The 2007-08 season has already given us archetypes aplenty: the death-rebirth myth (personified by Tracy McGrady and the Nephi Stratagem), the fallen-hero myth (Shawn Marion and the Salt Lake SnowBees), the descent-into-the-underworld myth (the Bayside Tigers), and, of course, the devouring-reptile myth (Kobe "Mamba" Bryant and the Twin Falls Gators).
But there's one archetype that, for some reason, has not fully manifested itself yet: the older-brother-torments-younger-brother-but-younger-brother-get-last-laugh myth. This archetype is especially prominent in the Old Testament: Cain slays Abel but gets cursed; Esau gets Jacob's pottage but loses birthright; Joseph sold into slavery by brothers but later plays practical joke on them with golden cup in Egypt; and, more recently, Ted's SnowBees compete well against Ben's A-Boms during regular season, but Ben has two championships to Ted's zero.
TJ's New York Kings, however, don't seem to have much use for literary theory, so they just keep walloping little bro Truman's St. George Underdogs. Last week's 6-3 romp was only the latest; the Kings have never lost to the U-Dogs in five tries. That's right: even last year when it seemed nobody could beat St. George, the otherwise mediocre Kings did it twice.
Is this just a case of waiting for the other shoe to drop, or are we witnessing the birth of a new archetype, "older-brother-torments-younger-brother-and-younger-brother-is-utterly-helpless"? We won't know until next year's rematch, unless both New York and St. George experience the death-rebirth myth this year and somehow turn their seasons around and meet in the Concludings. That really sounds like a myth, doesn't it?
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AROUND THE WFBL
Trojans 6, Iguanas 3
Brought to you by the Rigby Trojans, the Upset of the Year was a healthy 6-3 spanking of the (soon-to-be-previously?) top-ranked Iguanas de Maracaibo. The question on everyone's minds, of course, is whether this will be a turning point for either team. The Trojans have now won 3 of 4 and are doing their part to erase the memory of a ghastly 8-1 defeat three weeks ago. Does Rigby use the momentum from their defeat of a top opponent to push themselves into the top three in the Wasatch Conference? And Maracaibo, suffering only their second loss since Week 4, has to deal with injuries to both Mehmet Okur and power forward replacement extraordinaire Paul Millsap, with both Richmond and Zermatt nipping at their heels. Surely, a game like this calls for an overblown reaction from head coach Fran Hopkin: "At the moment at which fodder that we have all to go to the right for us we go and we secured bites by the injury insect! Not to worry, although! We have a easy schedule for the one of three weeks following, therefore Zermatt and Richmond can bite on our dust! It has has has has!"
Gators 7, Jai-Rai 2
The Twin Falls Gators, with their victory over the struggling Udorn Jai-Rai, have what is called a "win-streak". Many of the players on the Gators looked puzzled when, at the press conference, they were told about this phenomenon. So, thankfully, veteran Kobe Bryant was there to break it down for them: "You see, once in while, if our offense takes advantage of my skills and talents and decides to run almost every play through me, thereby letting me do what I do best, which is glory-hog, yell and scream at my teammates, all the while talking to reporters as though I rely so much on my "team" to get victories, then what happens is we win a series. If we do this for an extended period of time, and especially for two consecutive weeks, we have what you call a 'win-streak'." With his teammates looking around cluelessly at eachother, grunting as though they understood what he was saying, Kobe then turned to the media, threw up his arms wildy as if to say "Please someone make sure Twin Falls doesn't draft me next season, I can't take another year of this!"
SnowBees 7, Tigers 2
While the rest of the league has gone dashing through the SnowBees by an average score of 6-3, somehow the Bayside Tigers failed to take advantage of perhaps their last, best chance to win a series, losing at home 7-2. "I think we just showed the world who is the better of the league's two basement-dwellers," said a smug Ted "Beekeeper" Barnes, whose opportunities to say something smug have been sparse this year, so he has to take them when they come. Perhaps the best part is that the SnowBees managed to win without making any improvements to a starting lineup that, like I said, loses 6-3 on average. Jameer Nelson, Pau Gasol, and Dirk Nowitzki—all players who've been on the floor throughout the ebb and ebb of the SnowBees' 07-08 season—inexplicably turned in reasonably good performances, all during the same week. But key conference matchups with class-of-the-conference Nephi and Park City are up next, so SnowBees fans needn't get too excited.
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WEEK 8 EBP WINNER (tie)
Nate Robinson, Park City
Paul Millsap, Maracaibo
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