Luckily for the still-first-place Stratagem, Brandon Roy knows how to drive a tractor.STRATS, TIGERS HOLD OUT FOR A HERO
NEPHI (AP)—In the loosely regulated WFBL, it has been well documented that unrepentant thrill seekers (and teams with shallow rosters) are prone to engage in "Roster Chicken," where two teams try to see how many games their players can miss and still win the matchup. Recently, the benchmark for this exciting but unpredictable variaton of the game has been Nephi vs. Udorn in the first round of last season's consolation bracket. Well move over Nephi and Udorn, or just Udorn, rather—the new "Kings of Sling" have been crowned.
As the tip-off of an otherwise routine pairing of the Nephi Stratagem and Bayside Tigers neared, Nephi instigated the traditional Roster Chicken challenge by leaving a clearly hobbled Mike Dunleavy in their starting lineup. Last place Bayside met this invitation with the necessary spoonful of reckless abandon, tabbing Jason Terry as their shooting guard—even though he recently had surgery on his hand, and they just traded for a completely healthy OJ Mayo. The Tigers raised the stakes by sticking with Marcus "Gimpy" Camby at center before Nephi's usually reliable Kevin Garnett surprised everyone by dropping out midweek with a strained knee.
At times, it seemed that both Bayside and Nephi were going to blink, trying to leap from their metaphorical tractor like Kevin Bacon in the 80's classic Footloose. But their proverbial shoelaces of common sense were caught on the tractor's gas pedal of thrills, and they both kept getting pulled back on for more.
When all was said and done, both teams compiled a measely 10 games apiece from their respective lineups, easily shattering all previous Roster Chicken records. As a footnote to this historic performance, Nephi won the contest 5-3-1 by virtue of Brandon Roy's Bonnie Tyler-esque heroics, just edging Bayside's Troy Murphy in the abberant effort department.
GATORS MAINTAIN LEAD IN WASATCH; KOBE BREAKS SILENCE ON INJURY ALLEGATIONS
TWIN FALLS (AP)—While the Twin Falls Gators are in the midst of their best regular season in franchise history, a game out of first place in the Wasatch after winning 6-3 over the hapless Richmond Butchers, all the attention has been on superstar Kobe Bryant. Allegations have surfaced within the last few weeks that the recent rash of injuries across the WFBL were caused by none other than the former EBP. In order to set the record straight on the controversy, Bryant agreed to sit down with WFBL beat writer Peter Gammons.
Peter Gammons: Kobe, there have been recent reports that you have been the man responsible for the numerous injuries across the WFBL. What's the truth?Kobe Bryant: When I was labeled a "Keeper" with Twin Falls in 2008, I felt an enormous amount of pressure; I felt like I had all the weight of the world on top of me and I needed to perform and perform at a high level every day.
Back then it was a different culture. It was very loose. I was young, I was stupid. I was naive. And I wanted to prove to everyone that I was the player that could take the Gators to the title.I did injure a player or two and, um, for that I am very sorry and deeply regretful. And although it was the culture back then, and, uh, the Wasatch Front Basketball League overall was very... I'm just, I just feel that, um, you know, I'm just sorry. I'm sorry for that time. I'm sorry to my fans. I'm sorry for my fans in Twin Falls.
It wasn't until then that I ever thought about hurting anyone of any kind. And since then I've proved to myself and to everyone that I don't need any of that.
PG: So, you're saying that the time period was Week 14 through Week 17?
KB: Mmm, that's pretty accurate, yes.
PG: Who were the people you injured?
KB: Peter, that's the thing, I mean, again, it was such a loosey-goosey era, that... I'm guilty for a lot of things. I'm guilty for being negligent, naive, not asking all the right questions and, to be quite honest, I don't know exactly who the people were that I was guilty of injuring. But whoever they are, I feel terribly about it.PG: When did you get the wake-up call?
KB: It wasn't until yesterday. I was laying in my bed in Twin Falls, Idaho. We were doing a team conditioning down by the hot pots and I suffered a very serious hang nail injury that went all the way down the side of my finger, a real nasty one. And I was scared that I was going to miss time.
But it was at that point in bed that I realized, ‘What am I doing?' Not only am I going to hurt the basketball careers of others, but I am going to hurt my OWN career. It was time to grow up, stop being selfish, stop being stupid and take control of the rage inside that makes me want to hurt people. And for that I couldn't be, I couldn't feel more regret and feel more sorry because I have so much respect for this game, you know, and the people that follow it and respect it. I have millions of fans out there that are, you know, will never look at me the same.
PG: Let's go back. How did you think you could get away with hurting the star players for pretty much every team in the league that poses a threat to the Gators?
KB: The culture, it was pretty prevalent. There was a lot of people doing a lot of things. There was a lot of gray area, too. Back then, you could walk into a gym and punch a guy in the face and nothing would happen to you. But things are changed now—look at Randolph. He sucker punches a guy and gets suspended for two games. The point of the matter was, I started doing things to other people's knees, ankles, eyeballs and groins that, today are not legal, or today are not accepted. And today you would get into a lot of trouble for.Ever since that incident that happened to me in the hot pots, in Twin Falls, I realized that—You know what?—I don't need to do any of it and what I have done is enough. I've played the best basketball of my career since. Most of my direct competition is now short-handed for the playoffs. So that, I'm very proud of.
PG: Talk a little bit about that culture. It was an underground culture. A player said to me two weeks ago that he really believes that, in that period, between about Week 14 and Week 17, the players who did do one thing or another were either were scared or didn't care. Would you agree with that?KB: Well, I just think you felt a tremendous need to keep up, I mean, Bynum collapsed my teammate's lung. That's not something that was an accident either.
I can't speak for everybody who did the stuff I did; I can only speak for myself. And, regardless of what we want to mask and say and justify, there's absolutely no excuse for what I did. I'm sorry. And if I was a fan, a fan of mine, a fan of the Gators, I would be very pissed off. And I can't take that back, but just realize that I'm sorry and I want to do things to influence children and realize they should learn from my mistake because, you know, it's the biggest regret I have in my life because basketball has given me everything. I have so much respect...
PG: How long was it before you found out that what you were doing was actually illegal?
KB: Again, at the time, of that culture, there was no ‘illegal or legal.' It was just, you have to understand the time, and to take you back there, again, people were hurting a number of different people.
PG: So, from Week 17-on, you have been completely clean?
KB: Mmm, hmm.PG: Have you even been able to even check and find out how many people you've hurt?
KB: [Chuckles] You know, Peter, that I don't even know the real number but I would guess, at least eight to 10 people.
PG: Have you talked to Shaun Adams about this?
KB: Yeah, I've talked to our front office. Mmm, hmm.
PG: And what did he say?
KB: He's supporting me. Obviously anything that helps our team win and keeps our enemies from doing the same, he's on board with. I think, overall, he just wants me to be truthful and be honest, what happened last week, happened. And, you know, we're ready for bigger and better things — which is winning a championship, running a great franchise... Our fans have been very patient with us. They're ready for us to turn up the heat a little bit, and I think we have a team that's ready to do all of that, and I'm going to be a part of that team and do my best.
PG: Thank you.
KB: [Nods].
BEEKEEPER LOSES COOL, WINS SERIES
NEW YORK (AP)—In basketball, the difference between winning and losing often hinges on a single pivotal moment, when momentum shifts abruptly and carries one team or the other to victory. These moments may include a key defensive play, a buzzer-beating three-pointer, or "YMCA" being played over the loudspeaker at just the right time.
Good coaches know how to take advantage of such moments. Great coaches know how to create them.
During a matchup with the New York Kings that was dripping with playoff implications, Salt Lake SnowBees owner Ted "Beekeeper" Barnes knew his team needed a "momentum moment."
"Manu Ginobili, our best three-point shooter, had just suffered an injury. We had already heard 'YMCA' twice. And I had two Europeans in the frontcourt (Dirk Nowitzki and Pau Gasol), so a key defensive play seemed unlikely. That's when I decided to take matters into my own hands."
By this he means that he decided to jump off the bench and begin yelling hysterically at the officials, who had just handed the ball to Nowitzki for a free throw. Play stopped for nearly 15 minutes as the Beekeeper alternatingly threw his arms in the air with groans of disgust and shouted long, incoherent sentences, spraying saliva in every direction, while the officials stared in bewildered silence.
"Finally we decided to give him a technical foul," one of them said. "Because, as entertaining as it was, we realized that if we let him keep going, we might not get home in time to watch Deal or No Deal."
As the Beekeeper had hoped, the technical foul worked its magic on his players, who suddenly began to play with newfound energy, turning what had been a close series into a 7-2 romp.
"I won't lie to you: I was embarrassed at first," rookie point guard Derrick Rose said of his coach's tantrum. "But then Gasol explained to me that when your coach gets a technical foul, you're supposed to play harder, which I was happy to do. But when I asked him why we had to wait for our coach to make a fool out of himself before we can play hard, he just rolled his eyes and said that I have a lot to learn about basketball."
It remains unclear what exactly Barnes was protesting; he refused to talk about it after the game, referring only obliquely to "that dubious call" and adding, "I'd better not say any more; I don't want to get fined." But that matters little now. The fact is that thanks to the Beekeeper's heroics, the SnowBees now own a five-week unbeaten streak, also known as The Streak That Time Forgot, and remain, technically speaking, in contention for a playoff berth. And if the Beekeeper has a few more of those inspiring melodramas left in him, the SnowBees could literally be the team that no one wants to face in the playoffs.
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AROUND THE WFBL
Sundancers 6, Iguanas 3
Four weeks ago, the first Park City vs. Maracaibo matchup offered proof that lower profile players like Mo Williams and Charlie Villanueva can move to the head of the class when they do their homework. But in the most recent test between these two teams, Lebron James and Dwayne Wade showed everyone who still rules the school of the WFBL. Lebron sent everyone to detention on Friday night, doling out 55 points, 8 threes, 5 rebounds, and 9 assists. Not to be outdone, Wade had a one-man recess of his own on Sunday, showing off with 50 points, 2 threes, 5 rebounds, 5 assists, a steal and a block. One thing that doesn't seem to be affected by what player is dominating when is the outcome—the Sundancers have won 6-3 both times. But unfortunately for Park City, Amare Stoudemire got sent to the nurse's office after getting poked in the eye, and he's not coming back to class before school gets out. How will that effect things if these teams meet again for final exams?
Underdogs 5, Abominables 4
Reaching the playoffs is now mathematically impossible for St. George (though some fans are hoping the U-Dogs can sneak in using some method other than mathematics), but there are still plenty of chances to make some noise in the playoff chase, albeit indirectly. Last week the Underdogs exerted their will on the World Conference standings, spoiling Zermatt's golden opportunity to reclaim the top seed in the World Conference with a surprising 5-4 upset. In fact, "spoilage" is a good way to describe it, as the A-Boms stunk up the Chateau Alpin Arena like expired milk.
"A fine analysis, Mr. Reporter. Very well articulated. Your talents as a basketball analyst are unmatched," said U-Dog center Dwight Howard, who simply calls them as he sees them. "In fact, if I may extend your analogy a little further—we, the Underdogs, are like microscopic bacteria, small but virtually invincible. And the rest of the league is like poorly preserved food, all of which will eventually meet the same fate as Zermatt—spoiled by us."
Fortunately for the rest of the league, only two weeks remain in the regular season, so Howard's boasts are pretty harmless. And, let's face it, the only thing microscopic about the U-Dog big man is his assist-to-turnover ratio.
"The other big problem with Howard's logic is the little-known fact that the bacteria that spoils milk is actually part of the milk itself," explains league microbiologist Phil Jackson, whose job it is to concern himself with little-known facts (get it? microbes, little?). "So it would be more accurate to say that the A-Boms spoiled themselves. That is, the cause of their downfall was internal, resulting from Zach Randolph's suspension and Al Jefferson's injury, not anything particularly impressive that Howard or the U-Dogs did."
However, none of this changes the fact that Dwight Howard is an excellent judge of quality journalism.
Trojans 5, Jai-Rai 4
The Udorn Jai-Rai have got to be thinking to themselves "what do we have to do to clinch a playoff spot?" And you know what? That's the exact sentiment starting power forward David Lee conveyed to reporters after his team lost to Rigby 5-4. "I was just thinking to myself today 'Self, what do we have to do—and more importantly, what do I have to do—to clinch a playoff spot'," said Lee. "Besides the obvious answers, like shoot better, get more steals, etc., I figured one thing I can do is not get injured and miss the rest of the season, like SOME of the other guys have been doing." While Lee wasn't specific about it, the elephant in the room, aka Danny Granger, was obvious enough. "I agree with Mr. Lee," said Granger. "And I regret getting injured. You have to think about the team before anything else, and when I partially tore the tendon in my right foot, I wasn't thinking about the team. That was all about me. About MY foot. About MY season-ending injury. That's right, I ended my season, not the rest of the team's. Well, actually, that may not be entirely true. There's a good chance I ended my team's season too. See? MY team's season. There I go again, being selfish."
1 comment:
Top notch work this week fellas, maybe our strongest bunch of recaps yet.
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