2009 EXCEEDINGLY BENEFICIAL PARTICIPANT

Uh, Coach? That trophy's made of bronze, not chocolate...

ZERMATT PG MOST EXCEEDINGLY BENEFICIAL; COMMISH DOESN'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK

ZERMATT (AP)—The Chris Paul love train rolls on.

In what could quite possibly be qualified as the "closest" and "most difficult decision" in the history of the WFBL EBP race, Commissioner Ben Barnes without hesitation named Chris Paul the 2009 Exceedingly Beneficial Participant.

"I know I'm going to get a lot of flack for this," said Commissioner Barnes, who I don't know if it's been pointed out, is also Chris Paul's coach with the A-Boms "But I don't care. Look at the Player Rater. Tied with LeBron for first in total numbers. First by almost 1.5 in average numbers. He's been the best individual player all season long, and now we're just making it official by giving him a bronze trophy of himself."

Chris Paul remarkably led his team to first place in the World, despite the loss of All-Star Al Jefferson. He averaged 50% FGs, 86% FTs, .8 threes, 5.3 rebs, 11.1 asts, 2.8 stls, .2 blks, 3 tos and 21.4 Pts per game, upping his stats in 6 of 9 categories from a year ago.

"That's an EBP right there," said Barnes. "You got a problem with that? I dare you to say something. I haven't fined anybody in a while. And we all know that in this economic climate, I could use the extra dough."

Coming in second by the narrowest of margins—although, when pressed, Barnes would not reveal exactly how narrow—was Park City Sundancers standout Dwyane Wade. The shooting guard had been on quite a tear lately, and was threatening to take home his first EBP. Some wonder if the quality of Wade's teammates hurt his overall chances for the award.

"Hey man, that's fine with me, CP's a great player, and he's so polite too," said Wade, who had four teammates ranked in the Player Rater's top 20, as opposed to Paul's one. "It would have been great to have a bronze statue of myself, I ain't gonna lie to you. I guess that's what I get for having great players around me. Too bad CP can't say the same. Boo-hay!"

Finishing third, right behind Wade, is last season's EBP winner, LeBron James. Early reports had James as this season's winner, had the Iguanas been able to hold on to first place in the World.

"Whatever," said James.

"This is a great achievement, and it'll look great next to my 2008 Concludings EBP trophy and my 2009 All-Star EBP award," said Paul. "But it really means nothing if we don't defend our title. Now excuse me, I've got a bye week to go enjoy. And by 'enjoy' I of course mean spend studying film on the Iguanas and Jai-Rai."

Of course it does, Chris.