James and the Iguanas ran roughshod over Horford and the Jai-Rai. Maracaibo now moves on to face arch-nemesis Zermatt in the World Conference Concludings.JAI-RAI CAN'T REPEAT UPSET PERFORMANCE, FALL TO IGUANAS
MARACAIBO (La Verdad)—LeBron James had the best playoff performance of his career, and los Iguanas de Maracaibo ran past the overmatched Udorn Jai-Rai by a score of 6-3.
Indeed, it was simply too much LeBron for the Jai-Rai to handle. "Man, he was everywhere," said a frustrated Deron Williams, who was really looking forward to playing against Chris Paul again. "He's in the paint, dunkin' on our heads; he's downtown, nailing a triple; he's in our backcourt, swiping the rock; the assists, rebounds, blocks...he had it all."
"I just try to go out there and play my game, you know?" said last year's EBP and this year's third-place finisher. "I give no apologies. My game smells like awesome with just a slight hint of devastation. That's how I roll."
The Jai-Rai, fresh off of a stunning 6-3 victory over these same Iguanas in Week 19, had hoped for more of the same luck, as they trotted out the same lineup from the previous match-up. The difference? Some guy named Delonte West.
"Okay fine, I'll take the heat," said West. No, not David West, he plays for Richmond. Delonte West. "I had a bad week, but you know, we gotta just put this one behind us, move on, and focus on moving our goal of getting to the Concludings.
"Wait, what? 5th-place game? Ah crap. Sorry fellas!"
The Iguanas, for their part, have no time to celebrate their second playoff victory in four years (first since 2007). The Abominables await, rested and ready. It's the first time the two have met in the postseason, and it no doubt will be a barnburner.
"The A-Boms may have home-court, the league EBP, and last year's title," said James. "But we're in their heads. They can't beat us this year. They won't beat us this year. And that's a guarantee!*"
*Not an actual guarantee. LeBron and the rest of the Iguanas reserve the right to play horribly and lose in the World Conference Concludings.
GATORS IGNORE SCRIPT, ELIMINATE CINDERELLA STRATS
Nice try Marquis, but we aren't buying it.NEPHI (AP)—Nephi's newfound success this year can be partially attributed to Brandon Roy elevating his game and Yao Ming actually staying healthy, but the real key to their remarkable turnaround was Kevin Garnett, who made good on his promise to bring change to Nephi's losing culture. But when Garnett went down in week 17, Nephi's hopes of making an extended playoff run took a serious hit.
As the tip-off of their first round matchup with the Twin Falls Gators neared, it became clear that Garnett's gimpy knee wasn't going to allow him to go. Desperate times call for desperate measures, so Nephi was once again forced to turn to Marquis Daniels, who, as everybody knows, does a really, really bad KG impression.
After getting the starting nod, Daniels attempted to pump up the crown by clapping some white chalk in his hands at the scorers table, and even gave each teammate a reaffirming "hey, just remember that anything is possible" speech, but he was met largely with lukewarm responses. "Give it up, Marquis," countered Tony Parker.
Give it up he soon did as Daniels shot an abysmal 28% from the field for the week. He was also limited to a paltry, un-KG-esque 15 rebounds, 4 assists, 2 steals, and 22 points.
Still, the upstart Strats were within striking distance of an unlikely 5-4 win on the final day of competition, but Kobe "Mamba" Bryant and the Twin Falls Gators apparently didn't get the memo that sports fans prefer cheering for Cinderella stories, as opposed to jerks with snake nicknames that deliberately injure opposing team's star players—loosey goosey culture notwithstanding.
While Bryant was his typical, serpentine self, the real heroes of the night were Jason Richardson and former Strats big man Shaquille O'Neal, who finished the week by shooting a combined 22/28 from the field. This Mamba-less final surge lifted the Gators to the 5-3-1 victory, effectively shattering Nephi's glass slipper.
Mamba gets a little loosey-goosey with Brandon Roy.__________________________________________________________________
AROUND THE CONSOLATION LADDER
SnowBees 7, Kings 1, Nobody 1
Displaying a sense of passion—angst, even—that they haven't shown much this year, the Salt Lake SnowBees won their first matchup in the 2008-09 Consolation Ladder over the New York Kings by a surprisingly convincing score of 7-1-1. "We were all really disappointed when the Committee chose not to select us to participate in the playoffs this year," said point guard Derrick Rose when asked to explain where in the heck this kind of performance has been all season long. "So we decided the best way to show them that they made a mistake would be to beat up on another team that also wasn't selected. Kind of the way NIT teams do in college basketball. I'll bet those Committee members watching at home regret passing over us now!"
If that helps the SnowBees play better, so be it, because in the end the world is a better place when the SnowBees are winning. But the truth is, most members of the Selection Committee members were not impressed. In fact, Phil Jackson, chair of this year's Committee, says he didn't even see the SnowBees' victory. "I'm actually not that into basketball," he says. "To be honest, I haven't really watched a WFBL game start to finish all season. But even I can tell you that the SnowBees stink."
Underdogs 8, Butchers 1
The last time the St. George Underdogs were in a postseason series, they gave an uninspired effort and were upset in the first round. "But that can easily be explained," explains center Dwight Howard, "by the fact that last year our postseason consisted of a weird 'bracket-style' playoff, whereas this year we're part of a much-more-natural ladder-style setup."
"I'm definitely more comfortable with the ladder," agrees guard Ben Gordon, whose U-Dogs beat the Richmond Butchers by a comfortable 8-1 margin in their first-round matchup. "Those bracket thingys are kind of confusing. They look like those pedigree charts that old grannies use to fill out their genealogy. And I ain't no granny!"
"I think just the fact of playing in a ladder format inspired us to play better than we have all season," opines guard Devin Harris, who contributed an inspired 24 assists and 6 steals to the effort. "Let's face it, we've all grown up filling out ladders as our favorite teams have participated in various postseasons. As a kid you follow sports and dream about someday playing in a ladder. So obviously this is a dream come true for us."
Tigers 6, Trojans 3
We don't blame you for not paying attention to Bayside's victory over Rigby in the bottom rung of the Consolation Ladder. Just know that you missed the following: two more injuries to the Tigers (Butler and Murphy); two unexpected injuries for Rigby (Duhon and Wallace); Joe Johnson havin' himself a week (126 pts, 10 threes, 18 boards, 23 assts, 6 stls, only 6 tos to go along with 53% FG and 91% FT); and the title of "worst in the league" being temporarily handed over to the Trojans. But never fear, because if you missed this glorious match, there's a good chance they will meet again, should Bayside lose to New York and Rigby lose to Richmond this week. Here's one reporter that's praying for the rematch!
WEEK 19 EBP WINNER
Dwyane Wade, Park City
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