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WHERE UNDEFEATED NEPHI TAKES ITS RIGHTFUL PLACE AT NUMBER ONE
Reeling Zermatt has lost three of four, all against the "upper echelon" of the WFBL. Richmond is still looking for that marquee win. With a mere half game between the two teams, this rematch from last year's semifinals is must-win for both squads.
This week features a slew of interesting games. In addition to our game of the week, undefeated Nephi, in its first week as the top-ranked team, takes on pesky Salt Lake. Out-of-nowhere Rigby can get their second win over a top-two team in as many weeks as they travel to Park City. The Iguanas, with their patchwork lineup, hopes to hold on to first in the World and avoid implosion against hungry Udorn.
Team, Rank, (Previous), Overall, (Last Week)
1(2) 51-28-2 (6-2-1)
After knocking on first place's door all season (Nephi was no lower than third this year), the Strats finally break into the number one spot, thanks to a big win over Zermatt and the Trojans' upset of the Iguanas. Can the Strats keep their undefeated 2008 season alive against Salt Lake?
2 (3) 46-33-2 (6-3-0) After handling the Butchers last week, we think it's obvious that Park City is 1a to Nephi's 1 in the WFBL. If not for their own 6-2-1 loss to the Strats, the Sundancers would also be undefeated. Interesting match up this week against Iguana-beater Rigby.
3 (1) 50-29-2 (3-6-0)
For only the second time this season, the Iguanas tasted defeat. But for Hopkin and Co., what's worse than losing the series is losing both Mehmet Okur and Paul Millsap. Although Memo should be fine, Millsap was the Igs' insurance for Boozer, who now faces surgery. It will be interesting to see how Maracaibo handles the injuries, as they have a light schedule the next few weeks.
4 (6) 42-38-1 (7-2-0)
This just in: Kobe Bryant has decided he wants to play this season. Sure, it was against Udorn, but you need to rack up those wins when you can get them. And with Rigby looking like a team that can make a run, the Gators will have to be on top of their game the rest of the way if they want to make it back to the postseason.
5 (4) 42-38-1 (3-6-0)Which Butchers team will show up this week? The one that manhandles its opponents 8-1? Or the one that gets manhandled? Richmond sits a half game behind Zermatt for second place in the World, and can't afford for the "gets manhandled" team to show up.
6 (5) 42-37-2 (2-6-1)
All season long the Abominables have considered themselves one of the 4 elite teams (Maracaibo, Park CIty, Nephi) in the WFBL. Well, another loss to one of the other three takes their record to 0-3 against the elites. Maybe the A-Boms should just focus on winning a series, as they have lost 3 of 4.
7 (8) 38-42-1 (6-3-0)
The Trojans have bounced back nicely from their 1-8 debacle against Richmond, winning two straight, including the Upset of the Year against the Iguanas. A Rigby upset over Park City would further solidify them as a contender not only in the Wasatch, but in the entire WFBL.
8 (11) 33-48-0 (6-3-0)
Well I'm sure that New York fans are grateful for lil' bro Truman to come in and break up the "3-6 loss" monotony. Technically, it's not too late for the Kings to make a run. After a winnable game against Bayside this week, New York faces a "show us what you got" gauntlet of the Igs, Butchers and Abominables in consecutive weeks.
9 (7) 37-44-0 (2-7-0)
A three-week losing streak has Udorn fans wondering if a shakeup in the starting lineup needs to be made, or if it would even make a difference. The good news is, with Deron Williams appearing to be back to near 100%, the Jai-Rai may be able to catch the hobbling Iguanas at just the right time this week.
10 (12) 33-48-0 (7-2-0)
The SnowBees notched their second series victory of the season last week, and now face the daunting task of facing Nephi, Park City and Rigby in the next three weeks. Lose 'em, and no big deal, that's what we expect. Win 'em, and maybe there's room for the SnowBees in the postseason again.
11 (9) 33-43-5 (3-6-0)
The Underdogs, who haven't won since Week 5 against Salt Lake, are at the point in their season where they have to string together some wins. They have the talent, but at 7 games out of the final playoff spot in the Wasatch, can't afford to suffer big losses, especially against teams their equal.
12 (10) 30-49-2 (2-7-0)
Ah, Bayside. Technically, the playoffs are still an option, as you're only 11.5 games out. Realistically, you're done, since Deadbeat Lachowsky won't even give you a fighting chance. Sadly, the Power Rankings struggle to see you winning another series this year.
NEPHI OBVIOUSLY THE BETTER FOR YAO-PAUL TRADE; DANCERS BACK ON TRACK; TROJANS TAKE DOWN IGUANAS 
I'm sure the Abominables wouldn't think twice of asking for a do-over by trading Paul back to Nephi for Yao, right? Right?
NEPHI TOPPLES ZERMATT, YAO-PAUL TRADE DEEMED "UNMITIGATED SUCCESS" FOR STRATS
ZERMATT (AP)—Was it only a year ago that the Zermatt Abominables swung a deal with the Nephi Stratagem that would bring future Concludings EBP Chris Paul to Zermatt in exchange for future Injured List occupant Yao Ming? Why yes, it was! Well for those of you out there who are so hasty to call that theivery of the grandest scale on Zermatt's part, look again. The Nephi Stratagem defeated the A-Boms 6-2-1, and Coach Barnes has no one to blame but his precious star point guard."When I first got here there was a lot of negative press," said Yao, who has led Nephi to victory in every week of play so far this season, something Chris Paul has not been able to do for Zermatt. "They all said, 'Oh Nephi you crazy, Chris Paul so good Yao Ming so fragile' and so forth. I admit I started to believe them as I watched from my hospital bed as Paul raised the Commissioner Barnes trophy high above his head. But now? Maybe this proves our owner knows how to make trades."Going into the final day, all Zermatt needed was some decent FG%, about 6 or 7 rebounds, and 4 steals. All in a day's work for Chris Paul, right?"It's just your all-time choke job, that's what it was," said Strats forward Tracy McGrady, who was not able to finish the interview after complaints of light-headedness. "You didn't see Yao not get his rebounds or steals. He got us exactly what we needed.""Just think," added shooting guard Brandon Roy. "If we never would have traded for Yao, we might possibly have lost to Zermatt this week. I mean, what more convincing do you need that he was the guy for our team? Concludings EBPs? Please, that's in the past. We won an interconference game in Week 10! That's a statement right there!"ALDRIDGE DOESN'T SNOOZE, NOR DO SUNDANCERS LOSE
RICHMOND (AP)—Every team needs a good bench, but as LaMarcus Aldridge is finding out this year, backing up Park City starting lineup stalwarts Chris Bosh and Amare Stoudemire isn't a job that requires much exertion. "For the first couple of weeks I'd have thumb wars on the bench with lil' Nate," shared Aldridge. "But after he got his starting shot in week 3, it was like he wasn't one of us anymore. And I wasn't going to play with Luis (Scola)—dude's palms are sweaty. Eventually I just got so bored that I decided to start catching up on my Z's during the games."
Aldridge's narcoleptic bench habits didn't go unnoticed by his teammates though. "Sure we all saw LaMarcus," explained Bosh. "He would innocently rest his head on his hands, then slowly he would start leaning to one side until his head would slip off and he would snap it back up, like he was trying to make it through a boring Sunday School lesson. I couldn't help but chuckle at the sight—in between rim-rocking dunks that is. Up top!"
Stoudemire weighed in, "Yeah the whole thing was kinda funny, until, in the middle of the Ski Town Skirmish—the greatest rivalry throw down of all time—LaMarcus actually got all curled up on the end of the bench in an officially licensed Park City Sundancers Snuggie™ (http://www.getsnuggie.com/). It was then that I began to realize that maybe Chris and I were taking our starting spot in the lineup for granted."
What happened next will likely melt the heart of even the most hardened cynic. "I went in to coach's office and laid my jersey on his desk," continued Stoudemire. "I told him as my Christmas present to LaMarcus, I wanted him to start in my place against the Butchers. The thing that surprised me most was that coach agreed. I certainly wasn't expecting that."
It turned out to be a happy ending all around for the Sundancers though, as Aldridge didn't do anything to screw up an efficient 6-3 victory over Richmond, and Stoudemire got dibs on the Snuggie™.
ARCHETYPE, SHMARCHETYPE: KINGS SHOW DISREGARD FOR ANCIENT MYTHICAL PATTERNS IN WIN OVER U-DOGS
ST GEORGE (AP)—The WFBL, like most works of art, is successful because it takes advantage of ancient story-telling myths that resonate with the human experience and are meaningful universally, in all cultures, throughout time. These myths are called "archetypes" by those who want to sound scholarly, so let's call them that too, shall we? The 2007-08 season has already given us archetypes aplenty: the death-rebirth myth (personified by Tracy McGrady and the Nephi Stratagem), the fallen-hero myth (Shawn Marion and the Salt Lake SnowBees), the descent-into-the-underworld myth (the Bayside Tigers), and, of course, the devouring-reptile myth (Kobe "Mamba" Bryant and the Twin Falls Gators).
But there's one archetype that, for some reason, has not fully manifested itself yet: the older-brother-torments-younger-brother-but-younger-brother-get-last-laugh myth. This archetype is especially prominent in the Old Testament: Cain slays Abel but gets cursed; Esau gets Jacob's pottage but loses birthright; Joseph sold into slavery by brothers but later plays practical joke on them with golden cup in Egypt; and, more recently, Ted's SnowBees compete well against Ben's A-Boms during regular season, but Ben has two championships to Ted's zero.
TJ's New York Kings, however, don't seem to have much use for literary theory, so they just keep walloping little bro Truman's St. George Underdogs. Last week's 6-3 romp was only the latest; the Kings have never lost to the U-Dogs in five tries. That's right: even last year when it seemed nobody could beat St. George, the otherwise mediocre Kings did it twice.
Is this just a case of waiting for the other shoe to drop, or are we witnessing the birth of a new archetype, "older-brother-torments-younger-brother-and-younger-brother-is-utterly-helpless"? We won't know until next year's rematch, unless both New York and St. George experience the death-rebirth myth this year and somehow turn their seasons around and meet in the Concludings. That really sounds like a myth, doesn't it?__________________________________________________________________AROUND THE WFBL
Trojans 6, Iguanas 3
Brought to you by the Rigby Trojans, the Upset of the Year was a healthy 6-3 spanking of the (soon-to-be-previously?) top-ranked Iguanas de Maracaibo. The question on everyone's minds, of course, is whether this will be a turning point for either team. The Trojans have now won 3 of 4 and are doing their part to erase the memory of a ghastly 8-1 defeat three weeks ago. Does Rigby use the momentum from their defeat of a top opponent to push themselves into the top three in the Wasatch Conference? And Maracaibo, suffering only their second loss since Week 4, has to deal with injuries to both Mehmet Okur and power forward replacement extraordinaire Paul Millsap, with both Richmond and Zermatt nipping at their heels. Surely, a game like this calls for an overblown reaction from head coach Fran Hopkin: "At the moment at which fodder that we have all to go to the right for us we go and we secured bites by the injury insect! Not to worry, although! We have a easy schedule for the one of three weeks following, therefore Zermatt and Richmond can bite on our dust! It has has has has!"
Gators 7, Jai-Rai 2
The Twin Falls Gators, with their victory over the struggling Udorn Jai-Rai, have what is called a "win-streak". Many of the players on the Gators looked puzzled when, at the press conference, they were told about this phenomenon. So, thankfully, veteran Kobe Bryant was there to break it down for them: "You see, once in while, if our offense takes advantage of my skills and talents and decides to run almost every play through me, thereby letting me do what I do best, which is glory-hog, yell and scream at my teammates, all the while talking to reporters as though I rely so much on my "team" to get victories, then what happens is we win a series. If we do this for an extended period of time, and especially for two consecutive weeks, we have what you call a 'win-streak'." With his teammates looking around cluelessly at eachother, grunting as though they understood what he was saying, Kobe then turned to the media, threw up his arms wildy as if to say "Please someone make sure Twin Falls doesn't draft me next season, I can't take another year of this!"SnowBees 7, Tigers 2While the rest of the league has gone dashing through the SnowBees by an average score of 6-3, somehow the Bayside Tigers failed to take advantage of perhaps their last, best chance to win a series, losing at home 7-2. "I think we just showed the world who is the better of the league's two basement-dwellers," said a smug Ted "Beekeeper" Barnes, whose opportunities to say something smug have been sparse this year, so he has to take them when they come. Perhaps the best part is that the SnowBees managed to win without making any improvements to a starting lineup that, like I said, loses 6-3 on average. Jameer Nelson, Pau Gasol, and Dirk Nowitzki—all players who've been on the floor throughout the ebb and ebb of the SnowBees' 07-08 season—inexplicably turned in reasonably good performances, all during the same week. But key conference matchups with class-of-the-conference Nephi and Park City are up next, so SnowBees fans needn't get too excited.__________________________________________________________________
WEEK 8 EBP WINNER (tie)
Nate Robinson, Park CityPaul Millsap, Maracaibo
THE 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS, POWER RANKINGS-STYLE
Nephi has yet to lose. Zermatt has lost two of three. Can the Strats knock off the defending champs and thereby put the league on notice that they are the team to beat this year?
Happy Holidays from the Power Rankings. And now, a little song in the spirit of Christmas:
Team, Rank, (Previous), Overall, (Last Week)
1 (1) 47-23-2 (6-2-1)
On the 1st Day of Christmas, the Rankings gave to me:
A Ray Allen rainbow from three.
2 (2) 45-26-1 (6-3-0)On the 2nd Day of Christmas, the Rankings gave to me:
2 much Yao,
And a Ray Allen rainbow from three.
3 (4) 40-30-2 (5-4-0)
On the 3rd Day of Christmas, the Rankings gave to me:
3 lil' Nate's,
2 much Yao,
And a Ray Allen rainbow from three.
4 (5) 39-32-1 (8-1-0)
On the 4th Day of Christmas, the Rankings gave to me:
4 A.I. cornrows,
3 lil' Nate's
2 much Yao,
And a Ray Allen rainbow from three.
5 (3) 40-31-1 (4-5-0)
On the 5th Day of Christmas, the Rankings gave to me:
5 CP3s!
4 AI cornrows,
3 lil' Nate's,
2 much Yao,
And a Ray Allen rainbow from three.
6 (7) 35-36-1 (6-3-0)
On the 6th Day of Christmas, the Rankings gave to me:
6 bouncing Bibby's,
5 CP3s!
4 AI cornrows,
3 little Nate-o's,
2 much Yao,
And a Ray Allen rainbow from three.
7 (6) 35-37-0 (4-5-0)
On the 7th Day of Christmas, the Rankings gave to me:
7 flu-like symptoms,
6 bouncing Bibby's,
5 CP3s!
4 AI cornrows,
3 lil' Nate's,
2 much Yao,
And a Ray Allen rainbow from three.
8 (9) 32-39-1 (5-4-0)
On the 8th Day of Christmas, the Rankings gave to me:
8 Joe's a-shooting,
7 flu-like symptoms,
6 bouncing Bibby's,
5 CP3s!
4 AI cornrows,
3 lil' Nate's,
2 much Yao,
And a Ray Allen rainbow from three.
9 (8) 30-37-5 (2-6-1)
On the 9th Day of Christmas, the Rankings gave to me:
9 Harris clankers,
8 Joe's a-shooting,
7 flu-like symptoms,
6 bouncing Bibby's,
5 CP3s!
4 AI cornrows,
3 lil' Nate's,
2 much Yao,
And a Ray Allen rainbow from three.
10 (10) 28-42-2 (3-6-0)
On the 10th Day of Christmas, the Rankings gave to me:
10 faulty Beasleys,
9 Harris clankers,
8 Joe's a-shooting,
7 flu-like symptoms,
6 bouncing Bibby's,
5 CP3s!
4 AI cornrows,
3 lil' Nate's,
2 much Yao,
And a Ray Allen rainbow from three.
11 (12) 27-45-0 (3-6-0)
On the 11th Day of Christmas, the Rankings gave to me:
11 bumbling AK's,
10 faulty Beasleys,
9 Harris clankers,
8 Joe's a-shooting,
7 flu-like symptoms,
6 bouncing Bibby's,
5 CP3s!
4 AI cornrows,
3 lil' Nate's,
2 much Yao,
And a Ray Allen rainbow from three.
12 (11) 26-46-0 (1-8-0)
On the 12th Day of Christmas, the Rankings gave to me:
12 Manu TO's,
11 bumbling AK's,
10 faulty Beasleys,
9 Harris clankers,
8 Joe's a-shooting,
7 flu-like symptoms,
6 bouncing Bibby's,
5 CP3s!
4 AI cornrows,
3 lil' Nate's,
2 much Yao,
And a Ray Allen rainbow from three.
IN OUR ANNUAL TRADITION, GATHER 'ROUND THE YULE LOG AS WE TELL YOU A HOLIDAY BED-TIME TALE
Nate Robinson, a last-minute starter for Park City, hoists the Oaken Skis of Yore trophy in front of the Sundancer Crowd
T'was the Week Before Christmas
'Twas the week before Christmas, so lend me an ear
For the holiday recap, full of gladness and cheer.
"You did this last season! It wasn't that great!"
I hear what you're saying, but give me a break.
Los Iguanas de 'Caibo thanks to Millsap once more,
Defeated the U-Dogs, 6-2-1 was the score;
The Igs—with LeBron, Billups and Allen too—
Are trouncing the league, even poor little Tru.
While Nephi, now nestled all snug in first place,
Defeated the Tigers, giving vict'ry a taste.
The Strats seem to like it, they haven't lost yet,
And Bayside it seems, are as bad as it gets.
No wait! That's not true! The SnowBees still stink!
They've tried every lineup (your new point guard: the sink).
And just when we think that the Butchers are done,
Make that two vict'ries straight by the score 8 to 1.
Whilst up north in Gotham, the Gators, we see,
Behind Kobe's shooting, beat the Kings 6 to 3.
"Thank goodness for New York, we got our third win!
Too bad we don't play them this season again!"
And then, in a twinkling, was heard in Thailand,
The crying and moaning of all Jai-Rai fans.
"That's five 4-5 losses, we've had just enough!
Why is winning a match-up frustratingly tough?
"First Richmond, then Nephi, then Salt Lake was next,
Park City, now Rigby—is this some sort of hex?
I know we had hoped to avoid such a score,
But oh how we miss you, final outcome '5-4'!"
But none of those match-ups hold a candle, you see,
To the Park City/Zermatt campaign for the Skis.
The 'Dancers advantage was set at two games,
But the A-Boms were sure that they'd win just the same.
Back and forth went their shoot-out, up today, down the next,
While the great war spilled over to messages of text.
"A-Boms suck!" "Dancers drool!" went the heated debate,
"Those old skis are mine!"—such venom, such hate!
Then late Sunday night when the smoke had all cleared
A hero emerged, but not D-Wade—how weird!
No, not Chris Paul, not Lewis, not even Amare,
But tiny Nate Robinson, wait a minute, I'm sorry?
Did you say Nate Robinson? You've got to be kidding!
He was the difference? Thanks to what? Three-point hitting?
Well, that and his rebounds, his points and his dimes,
All contributed greatly to Zermatt's demise.
Little Nate, who's surprisingly elfish in features,
Would not seem to be a "Defending Champ Beater"
But I heard him exclaim, 'ere he drove to the hoop,
"Eat it Zermatt, to all! And to all a Whoop! Whoop!"
__________________________________________________________________
WEEK 7 EBP WINNER
LeBron James, Maracaibo
'DANCERS LIVE UP TO NAME, PUT ON SHOW-STOPPING PERFORMANCE
PARK CITY (AP)—Not to be outdone by their European arch-rivals, the Park City Sundancers, after being embarrassed by Zermatt on their own court during a halftime show for the ages, compiled their own elaborate song-and-dance sequence full of holiday cheer. The 'Dancers pulled out all the stops, as not only regular superstars Dwyane Wade, Amare Stoudemire, and Chris Bosh performed for the crowd during a fourth-quarter time out, but reclusive arena-namesake Robert Redford and "injured" point guard and Park City icon Gilbert Arenas joined the hoe-down.
"I'll be darned if Barnes and the A-Boms try and spread their brand of 'holiday cheer' in our town," said Barton. "But say, how 'bout that Gilby? That knee's lookin' pretty good, am I right?"
A-BOMS SPREAD HALFTIME HOLIDAY CHEER, IVERSON A NO-SHOW
PARK CITY (AP)—In the midst of a fierce battle with their arch-rivals, and in what some are calling a move to dispell the numerous allegations from popular children's holiday specials that Abominables hate everything to do with Chirstmas, the entire starting lineup for Zermatt, under the direction of team mascot Alger the A-Bom, got together at halftime to perform an elaborate song-and-dance routine for the Sundancer crowd. Chris Paul, Rashard Lewis, Antawn Jamison, Al Jefferson, and even Alger himself starred in the festive musical number. Allen Iverson, who repeatedly skipped rehearsals ("Rehearsals? We talkin' bout rehearsals?"), was promptly traded to the Butchers for his insubordination.
Despite the festive mood of the performance, the Sundancer crowd, not to mention team and executives, did not take kindly to the performance. Time will tell if there will be any sort of retaliation in kind from Park City.
THE POWER RANKINGS BREAKS OUT ITS NAUGHTY LIST
The Ski-Town Skirmish is finally here! The Abominables and Sundancers are both coming off wins following humiliating losses (their only losses of the season), and with the Oaken Skis of Yore Trophy once again on the line, this should be a battle that lives up to the hype.
Throughout the season, there will always be plenty of spotlight on the great players in the WFBL. The EBP Awards, the All-Star team, and so on. That's all fine and good, but the Power Rankings has decided to focus this week on the players out there that seem to be doing everything they can to keep their respective teams from reaching their potential. These are the players that frustrate owners to no end. This is the Power Rankings' Naughty List
Team, Rank, (Previous), Overall, (Last Week)
1 (1) 41-21-1 (6-3-0)
Naughty: Carlos Boozer. It's really picking nits here, and the Iguanas had the foresight to draft Paul Millsap (Week 6's EBP winner), but Boozer and his quad are probably going to be needed if 'Caibo plans on making any postseason noise.
2 (2) 39-23-1 (6-3-0)Naughty: Tracy McBaby. Granted, the Strats knew what they were getting themselves into when they drafted him, but it is extremely frustrating seeing McBaby's stat line vary from "DNP" one night to 40% FG, 100% FT, 2 threes, 10 rebs, 9 asts, 1 stl and 24 pts the next night, and back to "DNP".3 (4) 36-26-1 (7-2-0)
Naughty: Well, Iverson, you were a shoe-in for this list but you're no longer on the team, so you lucked out. And David West, you were next in line, but again, traded. So how about Mike Miller? The A-Boms' 4th-rounder, when not battling injuries, has drastically underperformed, and now may be out of a starting job even when he does get healthy.
4 (3) 35-26-2 (5-4-0)
Naughty: Mo Williams, Randy Foye, and Nate Robinson. If only one member of the three-headed point guard monster would establish themselves, then the 'Dancers, heaven help us all, would be even more dominating than they already are.
5 (10) 31-31-1 (8-1-0)
Naughty: Iguodala was making his case for the list, but the Butchers dispatched of his underacheiving behind. So even though Josh Smith has still been doing Josh Smith things, the Butchers need him to do them at a better rate than he has if they want to compete with the top teams in the World Conference.
6 (7) 31-32-0 (4-5-0)
Naughty: Deron Williams. Ahem. 2008: 51% FG, 80% FT, 1 three, 3 rebs, 10.5 asts, 1.1 stls, .3 blks, 3.4 tos, 18.8 pts. 2009: 38% FG, 85% FT, .7 threes, 2.5 rebs, 10.3 asts, .7 stls, .2 blks, 3.5 tos, 11.9 pts. Hey, at least his free throw percentage is up this year!
7 (6) 29-33-1 (3-6-0)
Naughty: Jason Richardson. While most owners lauded the Gators for their selection of J-Rich, his performance this season has hardly been praise-worthy. A season ago, Richardson averaged almost 3 threes per game. This season, he is down to 1.9 per, causing the Gators' current second-to-last standing in total threes.
8 (9) 28-31-4 (4-4-1)
Naughty: Lamar Odom. A vital part of the Abominables late-season run last year, Odom is a shell of his former self, averaging only nearly half the rebounds as last year, with drop-offs in just about every other category. Consistency at SF has been the achilles heel for the U-Dogs this season, and Odom's performance has been a big reason for it.
9 (5) 27-35-1 (1-8-0)
Naughty: Leandro Barbosa. The Trojans' presumptive starting PG has seen every one of his statistical categories drop off from last season, save steals and turnovers. And with the emergence of Raymond Felton, DJ Augustin, and TJ Ford, Barbosa can enjoy playing with his lump pf coal on the sidelines this year.
10 (11) 25-36-2 (4-4-1)
Naughty: Rich Lachowsky. Your team can only go as far as your owner will take you. And so far this year, Lachowsky has taken the Tigers to...11th place in the Power Rankings. Not that we'd expect anything more, but Bayside has the pieces to do some damage this year...if only...
11 (8) 25-38-0 (2-7-0)
Naughty: Shawn Marion. While Marion still gives the SnowBees some good numbers here and there, HE WAS THE NUMBER ONE PICK IN THE DRAFT. The following players were taken after Marion: EVERYBODY.
12 (12) 24-39-0 (3-6-0)
Naughty: Everyone—for turning the ball over and not blocking enough shots? A little harsh? Maybe, but the Kings are such an enigma, and should be much better than their record indicates. The Kings rank dead last in blocks and second-to-last in turnovers.
IGUANAS KEEP ROLLING; A-BOMS, DANCERS BACK ON TRACK; BUTCHERS TROUNCE TROJANS
OMG tha Igwanaz waxd r carcuss!! QUE PASA? LOL the Big ARISTOTLE
about 7 hours ago from txt
Gators Lose Again, Not Shaq's Fault
MARACAIBO (AP)—The Twin Falls Gators just don't seem to be the team they used to lately, falling to top-ranked Maracaibo 6-3. While there are plenty of players at whom the finger of fault could easily be pointed, there is at least one Gator who can honestly say "don't look at me": Shaquille O'Neal.
That's because Shaq so far this season has given coach Shaun Adams little reason to put the former All-Star (but never in the WFBL) center in the starting lineup. So what does Shaq think about all this? What does the Big Benchwarmer do with all his spare time? Thanks to a modern technology called twitter, we were able to glean a number of interesting thoughts right from the Diesel's mouth, or fingers rather, as O'Neal whiled away the week on the bench, observing, thinking, musing. Here is just a sampling:
aw man we lost agin whatev man we still da best about 5 hours ago from txt
kobe make a shot how do it taste now lol about 12 hours ago from txtadams looks busy with his football team geez wtf? about 12 hours ago from txt
every person who you count on counts on you Shaquille oneal Dec 13th from txtsaw rudolph on abc family new kind of family that santa is racist! LOL jk Dec 12th from txtchaves roamin sidelines he is one angry dude why he hates america so much? ne1 no? Dec 11th from txtEven the iguanas no me, da ones real small, i speak to em like ibadablaa, Jigamagla, bockeraaa Dec 11th from txt
jingle bells jingle bells jingle all the way oh what fun it is to SHAQ ATTACK! lol Dec 10th from txtdon't give up, bibby, don't eva give up! we miss u jimmy v! shaquille o'Neal Dec 10th from txtIF YOU CAN'T WORK IT OUT THEN IT WILL WoRk out ON YOU JEEZ I SUCK ATT TYPIN!!LOL Dec 9th from txthello my twitterean brothers and sisters we r in venzuelia why is it so hotttt? lol TURN UP THE AC lol Dec 8th from txt__________________________________________________________________
Zermatt Introduces Mascot, Pummels Salt Lake
SALT LAKE (AP)—Proving that their humiliating loss to the Iguanas was merely an aberration (no really, honest!), Ben Barnes and the Zermatt Abominables took out their frustration on the hapless Salt Lake SnowBees, trouncing older brother by a score of 7-2. It was their first victory over Ted's team since the 2006-07 season.
But overshadowing all this was the Abominables' introduction of a new mascot, who starting last week can be found roaming the sidelines, energizing the crowd, organizing local charity events, and attending your child's birthday party for a reasonable fee.
"Alger the Abominable" was graciously allowed to be introduced during halftime of the A-Boms/SnowBees tilt last week (SnowBees officials claimed it was fine by them, as they hadn't planned on doing anything for halftime anyways), and he did not disappoint. After repelling from the jumbotron, the white-haired, red-eyed yeti (whose name means "clever warrior" in German) pranced around on stilts, waving to the mostly pro-Abominable crowd, who are known to follow their team around the globe.
Alger was raised by a pack of yetis in a cave high in the Swiss Alps, where he learned from a young age many skills that would help him to become who he is today: skills such as dunking basketballs off trampolines and silly-string marksmanship. After his time at the Glion Institute in Zurich, where he majored in Mascot Science (with a minor in Ferocity), Alger returned to Zermatt to claim the title of Official Team Mascot of the Zermatt Abominables.
"We see big things in the future with Alger," said Ben, as the furry snow monster was seen de-pantsing Salt Lake's Dirk Nowitzki during a fourth-quarter timeout. "He's a vital part of this team now. We let him come to board meetings and he always has so many clever ideas. He graduated with honors from Glion, you know."
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For SnowBee center Pau Gasol and A-bom guard Mike Miller, last week's series was a timely reminder that basketball, like all sports but more so, serves an important function in modern society: it allows grown men the opportunity to physically express affection in a setting safe from ridicule and artificial "machismo" inhibitions. Safe, that is, until someone finds a photograph of such a physical expression, rips it from its context, and posts it to an Internet blog site, leaving it fully exposed to all kinds of sarcasm and scorn. But that never happens.
"Over the past week, Michael and I have become very close," Gasol explained. "Before I knew him just as a name and a hand to shake before tipoff—and I suppose as a teammate with Bayside last year—but playing nine games against each other in seven days really gave us a chance to deepen our relationship."
Gasol went on (why stop him?): "I think it started in like the first or second game. I was playing away from the paint, like I always do—I'm listed as a center, but I'm more of a finesse, avoid-contact type of center than a get-rebounds type of center. Anyways, a shot went up, and I was watching to see who would get the rebound when I noticed Michael was boxing me out. And I thought to myself, 'Now, he knows I'm not in any danger of getting that rebound. Why would he do that?'
"Well, the next time down the floor he does the same thing, only this time he holds the box-out about a second longer than he needs to, and then it occurs to me that Michael is trying to connect. So I decided that for the rest of the series, instead of fulfilling my defensive assignment [defending Zermatt center Al Jefferson], which I wasn't really good at anyway, I would guard Michael and just see where things took us.
"It was a bit awkward at first, since he's a guard and I'm a center. And not to mention he had no business being on the court at all, since he wasn't even in the starting lineup. And some may argue that I cost my team the series by leaving Jefferson open so much. But what Michael and I have gained together is more important than any game, or any nine games."
Sadly, the series had to come to an end, as all series do. And with the Abominables ascending to a likely high playoff seed this season and the SnowBees, well, going in the other direction, the chance for another series between the teams seemed improbable. "Michael and I knew that this might be the last time we ever see each other. So at the end of game nine we promised that we'd do whatever we can to make sure our teams somehow meet again in one or the other of the league's postseason tournaments. Frankly, there's not much I can do on my end to get the SnowBees into the Concludings. Remember, I'm Pau Gasol, not Kevin Garnett or Chris Bosh. But Michael is hoping he can sabotage his team enough to drop them into the Consolation playoffs. So maybe there's still hope for us."
__________________________________________________________________AROUND THE WFBL
Butchers 8, Trojans 1
If there's one thing the Trojans can do it's hit from three. Unfortunately for Rigby, that was the only thing they could do last week, falling by the embarrassing score of 8-1. A week after supposedly righting the ship against St. George, Rigby failed to notch its second win streak of the season. "If we want to establish ourselves as one of the elite unexceptional teams, we need to win games like this," said shooting guard Joe Johnson, who, bless his heart, is trying so very hard. "We get another shot at a middle of the road team next week, and we really have to take advantage." The Trojans travel to Thailand to take on the slightly-below-average Jai-Rai.
Sundancers 5, Jai-Rai 4
If anyone knows how to produce 5-4 final scores, its the Park City Sundancers and Udorn Jai Rai. Each time these two teams have met, the result has been the same. Twice during the regular season last year, the Jai Rai triumphed 5-4, and when they met in the consolation bracket, it was Park City's turn. This unusual streak appeared to be in jeopardy in their latest matchup though, as the score was deadlocked at 4-4-1 on Sunday night with time winding down. With all categories but blocks being decided, Park City turned to the unlikeliest of heroes: first time starting point guard Randy Foye.
"Coach called us out," revealed Foye. "He told us someone's gotta block a shot. Chris and Amare sort of slunk to the back of the huddle, like they knew it should have been them, but their minds were preoccupied with the impending game of Risk awaiting them on the plane ride back to Park City. So I just stepped forward and said I'll do it coach. I'll block the shot. It was the least I could do after shooting 39% for the week, am I right?"
Underdogs 4, Tigers 4, Nobody 1
The world—at least, that segment of the world that was paying attention—learned something about the St. George Underdogs and the Bayside Tigers last week. Their 4-4-1 tie showed everyone that neither team is particularly good, but also not quite so terribly bad as perhaps we thought. For those in southern Utah and southern California who like closure and clear resolutions, it was a frustrating week. Take the U-Dogs, for example: what are fans to make of a team that leads the league in ties (4) and has won only two series out of seven this season, and yet would qualify for the playoffs if they started today (it's not too early to say that, is it?)? Legend has it that when Ludwig van Beethoven was just a little tyke and his father wanted him to get his lazy wig out of bed, he would go to the piano and play the first seven notes of an eight-note scale. The sound of an unresolved scale was so maddening to little Ludwig that he'd scramble to the piano as fast as he could and play the final note. Well, somebody on the U-Dog roster needs to wake up and resolve this season before it's too late. Perhaps newly acquired SF Kevin Durant is just the man for the job.
Stratagem 6, Kings 3
Now that the Nephi Stratagem have firmly established themselves (itself? I hate singular nouns in team names) as one of the league's elite teams, while the New York Kings have made themselves comfortable in the league's basement, you might think the result of last week's matchup between the two, a 6-3 Nephi rout, would come as no surprise, even to Kings players themselves. But basketball players are delusional. "We go into every series believing we can win," guard Steve Nash said with a straight face. And that's probably good for the fans, because if the Kings were able to see themselves as they really are, they would probably be so disheartened that they wouldn't show up for the rest of the season. Then again, most fans probably would not be able to tell the difference.
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WEEK 6 EBP WINNER
Paul Millsap, Maracaibo
ZERMATT LOOKS TO WREST OAKEN SKIS OF YORE TROPHY FROM ICY GRIP OF PARK CITY
PARK CITY (AP)—It is nigh impossible to over-hype the annual (and sometimes semi-annual) showdown between Park City and Zermatt—two teams whose hatred for each other is deeper than the Swiss Alp snow pack, whose relations are bumpier than the Sundance slalom course, and whose intensity is hotter than a steaming cup of raspberry hot chocolate—but as always, we'll do our best.
The 2008 Ski-Town Skirmish, aka the battle for the Oaken Skis of Yore...Wait, what's that? Never heard of the Ski-Town Skirmish? Never glanced upon the impeccable craftsmanship of the Oaken Skis of Yore? Gather 'round children, and you shall hear a tale that makes even the most somber of men shout a hearty "huzzah!"
In the year of our Lord, nineteen hundred and twenty five, representatives from both the Zermatt Abominables (at the time the Zermatt Fightin' Yetis) and the Park City Sundancers (Park City Tommy Guns), met to discuss the possibility of undertaking worthy joint enterprises in behalf of the two franchises, wherein the idea was raised of awarding a trophy to the winner of the annual match between the two ski-resort towns.
During said convocation, Zermatt philanthropist Benjamin Barnhill and Park City financier David Bartholomew were appointed to propose a suitable trophy. After many considerations (including a giant skiing rabbit carved out of solid chocolate), Barnhill and Bartholomew eventually agreed that a pair of criss-crossing old-timey skis would make a worthy prize (though they were actually considered new-timey back then). Thereafter, the following resolution was drafted:
“The oaken skis of yore, with one ski fashioned in the Swiss Alps, and the other likewise in the Rocky Mountains, shall be hereby shown wherein the team winning the traditional basketball match each year shall have possession of the "Oaken Skis of Yore" until the next game and shall retain ownership of said skis until relinquishment due to a loss in the ensuing match.”
Following the agreement, a sentimental poem was then written by an unsuccessful printer and publisher and was performed at the first ever match that following year. It begins:
"How dear to this heart are the scenes of my childhood,
When fond recollection presents them to view!
The snowfall, the mountaintops, the deep-tangled wild-wood,
And every loved spot which my infancy knew!
...And e'en the rude skis that hung on the wall—
Those oaken of yore, the heaven-sent skis,
The snow-covered skis which hung on the wall."
The poem exemplifies the sentiment felt by the people of both Zermatt and Park City towards their two very different ski-towns. The poem was set to music in 1926 and memorized or sung by generations of both Swiss and American schoolchildren; the annual match was thereby dubbed "The Ski-Town Skirmish", and the rest, as they say, is history.
Fortunately for the fans, that history continues today, as the Abominables set out to recapture the Oaken Skis of Yore Trophy that Park City so coldly took from them last season (winning the cumulative season series 11-7). Unlike in previous seasons, the two long-time rivals face each other but once this year. And making this year's match even more meaningful, the teams are currently tied in the all-time series 729-729-18. No doubt, both clubs will summon all the fighting spirit they can to claim "the heaven-sent skis; The snow-covered skis which hung on the wall."
WHERE WE GET OUR FIRST MAJOR SHAKEUP OF THE YEAR
Two former EBP winners face off in Maracaibo as Kobe Bryant and LeBron James do battle in the Game of the Week.
Well, at least one of the Games of the Week lived up to its billing. Seriously, it'll be a while until the Power Rankings double-dips again. In honor of their total dominance over the Defending Champs, the Iguanas welcome Kobe Bryant and the struggling Twin Falls Gators in Week 7's Game of the Week. Can the Igs widen their six-game lead in the World Conference? Can the Gators turn things around after two straight blowout losses?
Team, Rank, (Previous), Overall, (Last Week)
1 (5) 35-18-1 (8-1-0)
The Iguanas were by far the best team in the league last week. They would have beaten Udorn, New York, and Park City 9-0, Rigby and St. George 8-1, Nephi and Richmond 7-2, Twin Falls 6-2-1, and Bayside and Salt Lake 6-3. We feel safe in saying that Los Iguanas are the best in the WFBL.
2 (2) 33-20-1 (6-2-1)Lest all the attention goes to the Iguanas, let's not forget that the Strats beat the previously-unbeaten-and-tied-for-first-place Sundancers. Nephi is now the only remaining unbeaten team, but remains in second despite a 6-3 victory over the Igs in Week 4. Conspiracy! 3 (1) 30-22-2 (2-6-1)
Park City! What happened? You sure picked a fine week to have a brain fart, so to speak. And for that, your humble win streak is halted. Can Barton rally his troops in a classic trap game against the Jai-Rai? Or will they be caught looking ahead to arch-nemesis Zermatt?
4 (1) 29-24-1 (1-8)
And down you go. It was a fun ride, Zermatt. The streak ends at 14 weeks without a loss, 12 straight wins, and 8 at the top of the Power Rankings. In their defense, no one would have beaten the Iguanas last week, but they sure could have tried harder. Time to start a new streak at the pesky SnowBees.
5 (8) 26-27-1 (6-3-0)
Back in the win column, the Trojans snap their two-week slide. Seems like the lineup shuffle made by coach Nathan Wallace worked, as both Raymond Felton at PG and Brooke Lopez at C paid dividends. The new-look Butchers come to town for an interconference tilt this week.
6 (5) 26-27-1 (3-6-0)
You know, Gator fans, your 8-1 victory is the only thing keeping your record respectable. Someone needs to take control of that third spot in the Wasatch, and the Gators have the talent to do so. A win against the top-ranked Iguanas could help Kobe and Co. make a strong statement.
7 (9) 27-27-0 (6-3-0)
With D-Will back in the lineup, things are suddenly looking bright for Udorn, who have consecutive 6-3 wins after losing their first four to start the season. Will they have enough to run with the Sundancers, smarting from their first loss of the season?
8 (11) 23-31-0 (6-3-0)
Evidently the SnowBees are not exactly ready to make the bottom of the rankings their permanent home. A nice win against Twin Falls could be a springboard for a little run. Zermatt looms this week, and Ted hasn't lost to little brother since Week 19 of the 06-07 campaign.
9 (6) 24-27-3 (3-6-0)
A crushing loss for St. George, just as fans were feeling a return to prominence for the lovable pups. It's been up and down for the U-Dogs so far, and normally a trip to Bayside would be just what the doctor ordered. Only Bayside's not as bad as you might think.
10 (7) 23-30-1 (3-6-0)
It was quite a week for the Butchers. After trading Antawn Jamison and Shane Battier to Zermatt for David West and Marqus Daniels, the Edgells then threw their names in the ring for Most One-Sided Trade, sending Daniels to Nephi (really?) for Ron Artest and Udonis Haslem. We tip our cap to you, Richmond.
11 (12) 21-32-1 (6-3-0)
Not as bad as you might think? Perhaps, but still bad. Their first victory notwithstanding, the Power Rankings wants to see some more consistency from the Tigers before they can move up any higher. With Camby playing appearing to be back to his old self, they just might get there.
12 (10) 21-33-0 (3-6-0)
New York just didn't have enough to overcome the Jai-Rai, and it's back to the 12th spot after a three-week hiatus. Intriguing match-up against 2nd-place Nephi this week: big lineup changes for the Kings have them scrambling for something cohesive, while Nephi tries to stay unbeaten this season.
Reeling Zermatt has lost three of four, all against the "upper echelon" of the WFBL. Richmond is still looking for that marquee win. With a mere half game between the two teams, this rematch from last year's semifinals is must-win for both squads.
1(2) 51-28-2 (6-2-1)
2 (3) 46-33-2 (6-3-0) 
3 (1) 50-29-2 (3-6-0)
4 (6) 42-38-1 (7-2-0)
5 (4) 42-38-1 (3-6-0)
6 (5) 42-37-2 (2-6-1)
7 (8) 38-42-1 (6-3-0)
8 (11) 33-48-0 (6-3-0)
9 (7) 37-44-0 (2-7-0)
10 (12) 33-48-0 (7-2-0)
11 (9) 33-43-5 (3-6-0)
12 (10) 30-49-2 (2-7-0)
